Germany's Guenter Grass, author of 'The Tin Drum,' dies at 87

(Reuters)

Portrait: Arturo Espinosa

The German novelist, poet, playwright, sculptor and social critic Guenter Grass has died = A sprightly socialist goes to a dour grave. A tin drum clangs in respect. The children wept.

(by Julian Lofts)

Fashion: Man about town

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Christian Leitner

Fashion: Man about town = So naif, but ah, not woman

(by Robert Jordan)

Woman Stabs Roommate for Refusing to Stop Listening to The Eagles

(Gawker)


South Carolina Woman Stabs Roommate for Refusing to Stop Listening to The Eagles = Wisest statement of gal: "'Hotel California'? Too gross! Shut up or I'm gonna be a monster."

(by Rosie Perera)

Who Is Running for President (and Who's Not)?

(The New York Times)


USA presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton = Rand Paul's chief ploy is "I'll rule the nation!"

(by Julian Lofts)

Book review: The Broken Road: From the Iron Gates to Mount Athos, by Patrick Leigh Fermor

(TeleRead)


"The Broken Road: From the Iron Gates to Mount Athos" by Patrick Leigh Fermor = Teen trekker's romp: A most forthright boy, he marched on foot into Bulgaria

(by Jason Lofts)

Are human head transplants coming soon?

(CNN)

Photo: Nata Luna Sans

Are human head transplants coming soon? = Ah, no! Gasp! Can result in a monster. Oh, damn!

(by Rosie Perera)

Dr. Fredric Brandt, 65, celebrity 'Baron of Botox' is dead

(The New York Times)

Photo: Wikimedia

Doctor Fredric Brandt, the celebrity 'Baron of Botox' is dead = Hobnobber Dr addicted to bacterial toxin for deft sorcery

(by Julian Lofts)

Meet Britain's ideal dog

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Daily Express

Meet Britain's ideal dog = I'm old, I bite Great Danes

(by Robert Jordan)

China family of seven drown in failed rescue

(BBC)

Photo: Malingering

China family of seven drown in failed rescue = Failure of life (chi). None can swim - very sad end

(by Julian Lofts)

Varoufakis resignation rumor denied by Greek Ministry of Finance

(MarketWatch)

Photo: EU Council Eurozone

Greek Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis = Keynesian maverick (a ruffian) is to resign?

(by Jason Lofts)

Bizarre Syndrome Makes Visitors to Jerusalem Go Crazy

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: jasonwain

Jerusalem syndrome = Er...Lord, my name Jesus!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

France divides the fashion world by banning skinny models

(The Daily Telegraph)


France moves to ban skinny fashion models = French invoke BMI; soon only damn fat asses!

(by Jason Lofts)

When cats go bad

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: Doug Wheller

When cats go bad = What can dogs be?

(by Robert Jordan)

Hundreds protest Islamic law in Australia

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Lynette

Hundreds in Islamic law protest = Halt pitiless racism Down Under!

"Reclaim Australia" movement = Ultra-Islamic area met venom

(by Jason Lofts)

Iran will honour nuclear deal if powers do likewise - Rouhani

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: World Economic Forum

Iran will honour nuclear deal if powers do likewise - Rouhani = Oh no, dear! I produce a nuke...Hell follows - I win war, I ruin Israel

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Classroom experiment goes painfully awry

(Daily Mail)


This classroom experiment goes painfully awry = On film: axe pulps teacher's genitals. Yow! "I'm sorry!"

(by Julian Lofts)

I nearly drowned in chocolate

(BBC)

Photo: Jennuine Captures

I nearly drowned in chocolate = Done concealed within a lorry

(by Robert Jordan)

Mark Lundy retrial: Shirt 'no place for wife's brain'

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: James Vaughan

Shirt 'no place for wife's brain' = When stain-proof fabric riles

(by Robert Jordan)

Hillary Clinton wiped email server clean

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Public.Resource.Org

Hillary Clinton has wiped email server clean = Hell! Rash! Revile cynical presidential woman

(by Julian Lofts)

Italian court acquits Knox and Sollecito of Kercher murder

(BBC)

Photo: Ninian Reid

"The knowledge of my innocence has given me strength in the darkest times of this ordeal," Amanda Knox said in a statement = "O, I am an attestant, one misdemeanant. After sex we evil sickos got high, strangled 'Ms Moody' and then knifed her in the neck."

(by Julian Lofts)