Activist abandons Earth Day swim in polluted New York City canal

(Reuters)

Photo: Sam Saunders

Christopher Swain's swim in Brooklyn's Gowanus Canal = Brownish swill or man's ashcans poisoning water. Yuck!

(by Rosie Perera)

New Zealand PM John Key apologises for tugging waitress's ponytail

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: nznationalparty

The New Zealand Prime Minister John Key apologises for tugging a waitress's ponytail = Men joking? I guess not! Fears grew - what a slimy, senile, sleazy, inappropriate thing to do!

(by Julian Lofts)

Chelsea Handler Shows Off Her 'Harry' Bottoms with Harry Styles

(People)

Photo: Chelsea Handler/Instagram

Comedian Chelsea Handler = A slender comic had élan, eh!

(by Julian Lofts)

Grandmaster Nigel Short: 'Girls don't have the brains to play chess'

(Stuff.co.nz)

Photo: Andreas Kontokanis

UK's chess grandmaster Nigel Short = "Girls aren't strong". He's mad! He sucks!

(by Julian Lofts)

With 1 male left worldwide, northern white rhinos under guard day and night

(CNN)

Photo: Tambako The Jaguar

White rhino = i.e. with horn

(by Jason Lofts)

New nation of Liberland 7sq km

(The New Zealand Herald)

Image: Wikimedia

And oft intolerable when in ~ the new nation of Liberland

(by Julian Lofts)

This Trend Could Spell Trouble Ahead for Smith & Wesson and Ruger

(The Motley Fool)

Photo: Lyle

Smith & Wesson and Ruger = We do the guns 'n' arms, sir

(by Aronas Pinchas)

The rise of the vegans

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Emilie Hardman

The rise of the vegans = Ah, hot, festive Greens

(by Robert Jordan)

Gisele Bundchen retires from the runway

(USA Today)

Photo: Gabriel Marchi

Gisele Caroline Bundchen = A cherubic legend's online

(by Julian Lofts)

Germany's Guenter Grass, author of 'The Tin Drum,' dies at 87

(Reuters)

Portrait: Arturo Espinosa

The German novelist, poet, playwright, sculptor and social critic Guenter Grass has died = A sprightly socialist goes to a dour grave. A tin drum clangs in respect. The children wept.

(by Julian Lofts)

Fashion: Man about town

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Christian Leitner

Fashion: Man about town = So naif, but ah, not woman

(by Robert Jordan)

Woman Stabs Roommate for Refusing to Stop Listening to The Eagles

(Gawker)


South Carolina Woman Stabs Roommate for Refusing to Stop Listening to The Eagles = Wisest statement of gal: "'Hotel California'? Too gross! Shut up or I'm gonna be a monster."

(by Rosie Perera)

Who Is Running for President (and Who's Not)?

(The New York Times)


USA presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton = Rand Paul's chief ploy is "I'll rule the nation!"

(by Julian Lofts)

Book review: The Broken Road: From the Iron Gates to Mount Athos, by Patrick Leigh Fermor

(TeleRead)


"The Broken Road: From the Iron Gates to Mount Athos" by Patrick Leigh Fermor = Teen trekker's romp: A most forthright boy, he marched on foot into Bulgaria

(by Jason Lofts)

Are human head transplants coming soon?

(CNN)

Photo: Nata Luna Sans

Are human head transplants coming soon? = Ah, no! Gasp! Can result in a monster. Oh, damn!

(by Rosie Perera)

Dr. Fredric Brandt, 65, celebrity 'Baron of Botox' is dead

(The New York Times)

Photo: Wikimedia

Doctor Fredric Brandt, the celebrity 'Baron of Botox' is dead = Hobnobber Dr addicted to bacterial toxin for deft sorcery

(by Julian Lofts)

Meet Britain's ideal dog

(The Daily Express)

Photo: Daily Express

Meet Britain's ideal dog = I'm old, I bite Great Danes

(by Robert Jordan)

China family of seven drown in failed rescue

(BBC)

Photo: Malingering

China family of seven drown in failed rescue = Failure of life (chi). None can swim - very sad end

(by Julian Lofts)

Varoufakis resignation rumor denied by Greek Ministry of Finance

(MarketWatch)

Photo: EU Council Eurozone

Greek Finance Minister Yanis Varoufakis = Keynesian maverick (a ruffian) is to resign?

(by Jason Lofts)

Bizarre Syndrome Makes Visitors to Jerusalem Go Crazy

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: jasonwain

Jerusalem syndrome = Er...Lord, my name Jesus!

(by Aronas Pinchas)