"Dismember the fatty monster US imperialists" say the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea. = Hmm, apt! America has terrible lipodystrophy - to become trim sufferers need seek liposuction stat.
Vladimir Putin creates 'military Disneyland' where youngsters can ride tanks, play with grenade launchers and eat army rations = Russians' tyrannical leader (intimidating guy) has invented scary theme park: Children emulate soldiers at war and try weaponry
Spanish bullfighter gored in groin leaving testicle 'eviscerated' at San Isidro festival in Madrid = Agile steer charged matador, intent on piercing his balls. Idiot fell, is given first aid and survives
Obama approves sending up to four hundred and fifty more US troops to Iraq = President's for moving a thousand equipped army troops out abroad for fun.