Two dead in sword attack at Swedish school

(Fox News)

Swedish knife-wielder slaughtered two = Swinish rogue wawled, hefted steel dirk

(by Russ Atkinson)

Netanyahu says Palestinian gave Hitler idea for the Holocaust

(Chicago Tribune)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Prime Minister Netanyahu says Palestinian gave Hitler idea for the Holocaust = Apparently one theory is a savage antisemitic Amin Al-Husseini told the Führer

(by Jason Lofts)

Coca-Cola's secret formula: Can you make it at home?

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: Pat Hawks

A selection of some of the beverage's ingredients: Lots of sucrose, high fructose corn syrup, vanilla extract, caffeine, caramel-based food colouring, spices (nutmeg, cinnamon and coriander), neroli oil and citric acid. = Hmm, I flinch, am conscious Coca Cola^® is infinitely vile and extra fattening. Lots of insulin is needed for digestion of Coca Cola^®. Renege - pressure Coca Cola^® to reduce the percentage of sugar and morbidness. Bravo!

(by Julian Lofts)

Genetically-engineered, extra-muscular dogs created by Chinese scientists

(The Independent)

Photo: Pamela Drew

Genetically-engineered, extra-muscular dogs created by Chinese scientists = Asians get excited, recycled a generic cur until monster beagle synthesised.

(by Mark McNamara)

Who is Justin Trudeau, Canada's next prime minister?

(BBC)

Photo: Can Pac Swire

The new Prime Minister of Canada is Justin Trudeau = A dream where it indicates unfair, unjust nepotism.

(by Julian Lofts)

Horror as man dies on Aer Lingus flight 'after biting passenger'

(Irish Mirror)

Photo: ol'pete

Aer Lingus flight = A gruelling shift

(by Julian Lofts)

Who's a pretty boy? Parrot-obsessed man, 56, has his EARS cut off to look more like his pets (... and now he wants to turn his nose into a beak)

(Daily Mail)

Who's a pretty boy? Parrot-obsessed man has his EARS cut off to look more like his pets (... and now he wants to turn his nose into a beak) = Poor fool errs - he wants to think he's mutated into one of his pesky macaws or parakeets. Honestly, what an obsession about birds!

(by Jason Lofts)

UN condemns attack on Joseph's Tomb

(Jerusalem Post)

Art: David Roberts

Jobless Palestinian mob rush ~ Joseph's Tomb in Nablus, Israel

(by Julian Lofts)

Italy braces for arrival of Starbucks

(World News Report)

Photo: PROm01229

Italy braces for the arrival of the Starbucks chain = Abhor titanic US rival's rather trashy black coffee

(by Julian Lofts)

Dead woman sold as "ghost bride" to remove family's bad luck

(New York Post)

Photo: Dawn

A Chinese "Ghost bride" is an ~ obscene thing, is sad I hear.

(by Julian Lofts)

Billy the Kid played croquet, newly found photo shows

(Toronto Sun)

Billy the Kid played croquet? = Bloke really Quidditch type

(by Julian Lofts)

Playboy magazine abandons nudity

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Rubia Olivo

Hefner's Playboy magazine abandons nudity = Yes, no goddamn fantasy bunny labia here - zip!

(by Julian Lofts)

China female cabin crew 'ritual' sparks online outrage

(The Times of India)

Photo: Wechat/Civil Aviation Tabloid

China female cabin crew 'ritual' sparks online outrage = No! Crew argues unfair ceremonial talk is a 'plane bitch'.

(by Mark McNamara)

Playboy To Stop Publishing Nudes In Print Magazine

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Luca Rossato

Playboy To Stop Publishing Nudes In Print Magazine = It's up! Goodbye tantalizing bare pin-up nymphs' loins!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Give yourself a lift

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Kerry Lannert

Breast augmentation procedure = Treated, I get an enormous bra cup

(by Jason Lofts)

North Korea plays a dangerous game with latest military tactic

(Nikkei Asian Review)

Photo: Thierry Ehrmann

North Korea plays a dangerous game with latest military tactic = A tailed rat, autocrat Kim is a lethal testy warmongering psycho!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Nobel Peace Prize for Tunisian National Dialogue Quartet

(BBC)

Photo: Wikimedia

This year's Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to the Tunisian National Dialogue Quartet = A quiet, astute, aware group aids state, helps to dethrone Zine El Abidine Ben Ali. No anarchy!

(by Julian Lofts)

Analysis: GOP is party desperately in search of a leader

(Houston Chronicle)

Photo: Mario Piperni

Analysis: GOP is party desperately in search of a leader = Hillary Clinton agrees: "Yes, as a party of despaired apes!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Ryan say no thanks as speaker

(USA Today)

Illustration: DonkeyHotey

McCarthy and Ryan out as speaker = Nary a Red Stater chump can say OK

(by Russ Atkinson)

Putin Universe exhibition sees Russian leader painted as Batman, Gandhi and Muhammad Ali in bizarre artwork

(The Daily Mirror)

Putin Universe exhibition sees Russian leader painted as Batman, Gandhi and Muhammad Ali in bizarre artwork = View brute Putin as Marx, Bush, Satan, Nazi Hitler, Idi Amin, Mao, Osama bin laden, an eerie shark, pig, and nude stirred!

(by Maurice Goddard)