The Anagram Times

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Disgruntled Siberian city wants cat for mayor

(The Guardian)

Disgruntled Siberian city wants cat for mayor = Crowd bay! May grant Russian district to feline

(by Mark McNamara)

Trump's Muslim ban would be illegal and unconstitutional, claim experts

(The Daily Express)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

The American business mogul Donald Trump = Plutocrat demands ban on Muslims. Huge ire!

(by Jason Lofts)

A Scientist Just Showed Us What Jesus Really Looks Like

(Attn:)

Photo: Richard Neave

Scientist showed us what Jesus really looks like = He's arisen, so just a skull with eye sockets will do

(by Dharam)

Trump's Medical Report Is More Insane Than His Campaign Somehow

(The Daily Beast)

To Whom My Concern [sic]

I have been the personal physician of Mr. Donald J. Trump since 1980. His previous physician was my father, Dr. Jacob Bornstein. Over the past 39 years, I am pleased to report that Mr. Trump has had no significant medical problems. Mr. Trump has had a recent complete examination that showed only positive results. Actually, his blood pressure, 110/65, and his laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent.

Over the past twelve months, he has lost at least fifteen pounds. Mr. Trump takes 81 mg of aspirin daily and a low dose of statin. His PSA test score is 0.15 (very low). His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary.

Mr. Trump has suffered no form of cancer, has never had a hip, knee, or shoulder replacement or any other orthopedic surgery. His only surgery was an appendectomy at age ten. His cardiovascular status is excellent. He has no history of ever using alcohol or tobacco products.

If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.

Harold N. Bornstein, MD, FACG

This man is a major concern:

I recently examined Mr. Donald J. Trump aka The Donald at his personal penthouse asylum suite in the Trump Tower, Upper Manhattan, New York. To tell the truth he is completely insane. At best Trump is a very dangerous psychopath. He suffers from all sorts of mental disorders and complexes, significantly Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, severe pseudologia fantastica (compulsive pathological lying, in particular as concerns the amount of his personal net wealth), hysteria and narcissistic personality disorder (watchword: hair).

The man is a distressed, short-tempered, asocial, psychotic extrovert who is prone to severe uncontrollable disturbances and crotchety, quarrelsome, behavior. His language is, therefore, observably provocative, controversial, hyperbolic and shamelessly offensive. He waffles and vociferates.

Should he ever become US president, all I can say is: God help him, America and the entire world, for that matter!

Attested:
Chet H. Hogwash, PhD
Psychiatrist and hypnotist to Mr. Trump

(by Jason Lofts)

Monday, December 14, 2015

Donald Trump would be 'the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency', says his doctor

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Twitter

Donald Trump would be 'the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency', says his doctor, a gastroenterologist, Dr. Harold Bornstein, MD, FACG = Oh God! Medico errs. With various psychopathic disorders, he's a rotten, bald, demented, detestable, deranged, vilest, frothing, doolally, lunatic nutter!

(by Julian Lofts)

The ISIS Fight, Part 1: Take It From Indians -- Religious Wars Stink

(Indian Country Today)

We can bomb the world to pieces but we can't bomb the world to peace.

Photo: Alisdare Hickson

The religious wars = ISIS urge other law

(by Jason Lofts)

Sunday, December 13, 2015

From Warren Beatty's love letters to power suits: Joan Collins holds an auction

(The Guardian)

Photo: Catchpenny

From Warren Beatty's love letters to power suits: Joan Collins holds an auction = "I'm old. Best to sell faster now. No worries! Can't just carry it all soon up to Heaven!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

'The Trump Who Stole Christmas'

(Star Tribune)

Photo: Elvert Barnes

Excerpt from 'The Grinch's Theme Song'

You're a real meany, Mr. Grinch
You're the king of sinful sots,
Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with
Moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch,
Your soul is an appalling dump heap
Overflowing with the most disgraceful
Assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!

'The Donald'

You're the enemy, Mr. Trump
You're the toxic knave of spades,
If your mouth's a horrible-smelling manhole infected with
Galloping distemper, gross Mr. Grump,
Your long hair strands appall,
An orange tress combed up into a mindboggling hotchpotch mess
Hiss! Fuck off, pitbull WASP, we hate all your repugnant tirades!

(by Jason Lofts)

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Want to feel really small? Meet UY Scuti, the largest star in the universe

(Yahoo!)

The largest star UY Scuti = It's huge, surely attracts

(by Aronas Pinchas)

How to defeat Donald Trump and his ilk: fight fire with fire

(The Guardian)

Photo: Michael Vadon

How to defeat Donald Trump and his ilk: fight fire with fire = Hint on: Aim! Fire! Kill the pig-headed fat turd off with words! = Down with that fat GOP-field idiot akin Der Führer himself!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Gaddafi's son Hannibal freed after kidnap in Lebanon

(BBC)

Aha, find a balding ~ Hannibal Gaddafi

(by Julian Lofts)

The Paris climate talks are raising some of the biggest questions humanity has ever had to face

(Quartz)

London Climate March - 29th November 2015

Photo: The Weekly Bull

Alarmist, skeptical ~ Paris climate talks

(by Julian Lofts)

Friday, December 11, 2015

Revealed: Bieber's mystery 17-year-old Instagram girl is a £3-an-hour babysitter who breached by-law for drinking in street

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Instagram

Spanish teenaged babysitter Cindy Kimberly = Bieber enchanted by a mystery kid's giant lips

(by Jason Lofts)

Cheetah a late arrival in Africa

(The New Zealand Herald)

Photo: Tambako The Jaguar

Cheetahs are said to originate from North America = So the cats migrated to a home here in Africa or Iran

(by Julian Lofts)

'Chapo' Guzmán threatens war on ISIS after terrorists destroy drug shipment

(Fox News)

Mexican drug kingpin Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman escapes again

Photo: Day Donaldson

'Chapo' Guzmán threatens war on ISIS after terrorists destroy drugs shipment = The answer from the grand narco suzerain to this martyr group is: "Desist, pests!"

(by Jason Lofts)