New species, the ninja lanternshark, discovered

(CNN)

It's Etmopterus benchleyi alias 'ninja lanternshark' = Listen, black "Japanese" manhunter is in reality short

(by Jason Lofts)

NORAD tracks Santa's journey

(MSN)

Photo: Danny Sullivan

NORAD tracks Santa's journey = Sky sojourn ran, traced Santa

(by Russ Atkinson)

Facebook users solve mystery of 'ancient' relic unearthed in Jerusalem

(The Guardian)

Photo: Bio-Energy Systems

Rabbis seem wise re: ~ Weber Isis Beamers

(by Julian Lofts)

Here's How Neil deGrasse Tyson Tried to Completely Ruin Star Wars

(Time)

Who is planetarium director Neil deGrasse Tyson? = Hey, I learned inept cosmologist ruined Star Wars

(by Julian Lofts)

Google Pairs With Ford To Build Self-Driving Cars

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Lars Plougmann

Google/Ford ~ forged logo

(by Robert Jordan)

Miss Universe pageant host Steve Harvey makes huge gaffe, names wrong winner

(Fox News)

Miss Universe contest host Steve Harvey = Not savvy emcee. He errs. TV insists "He's out!"

(by Julian Lofts)

A modest approach to settling the Israeli-Palestinian conflict

(Washington Post)

Photo: Yossi Gurvitz

The Israeli-Palestinian conflict = If no alliance, the split is certain

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Sanders Apologizes to Hillary over data breach

(ABC News)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Sanders Apologizes to Hillary over data breach = Oh, the poor, crazy liberal's raids lose advantage

(by Russ Atkinson)

Prince Ali demands FIFA 'join 21st century'

(Channel NewsAsia)

Photo: Doha Stadium Plus Qatar

FIFA presidential hopeful Prince Ali Bin Al Hussein = The Arab is in line-up as fill-in for unideal chief Sepp

(by Jason Lofts)

Does going into hospital make you sick?

(BBC)

Photo: Abel Pardo López

Post-hospital syndrome = Sloppy NHS^* readmits too
*National Health Service (UK)

(by Julian Lofts)

Melissa Rivers Portrays Late Mom Joan Rivers in Joy

(US Magazine)

Photo: Mainstream

"The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband." - The late Joan Rivers = An original joke how she didn't want to confront her transvestite man inside in nothing but her crimson mesh tights

(by Jason Lofts)

And a Partridge in a Cramped Cage ...

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Karunakar Rayker

Gad! Maid a dancing, pear tree crap ~ and a partridge in a cramped cage

(by Robert Jordan)

Are plus-size models making our women obese?

(Fox News)

Photo: vangelisian

Are plus-size models making our women obese? = Unlike some, gals desire no wee bazooms, rump

(by Russ Atkinson)

Trump is still on top

(CBS News)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Trump is still on top ~ most support in till

(by Russ Atkinson)

Chinese buy up bottles of fresh air from Canada

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Vitality Air

Vitality Air = A triviality

(by Julian Lofts)

Disgruntled Siberian city wants cat for mayor

(The Guardian)

Disgruntled Siberian city wants cat for mayor = Crowd bay! May grant Russian district to feline

(by Mark McNamara)

Trump's Muslim ban would be illegal and unconstitutional, claim experts

(The Daily Express)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

The American business mogul Donald Trump = Plutocrat demands ban on Muslims. Huge ire!

(by Jason Lofts)

A Scientist Just Showed Us What Jesus Really Looks Like

(Attn:)

Photo: Richard Neave

Scientist showed us what Jesus really looks like = He's arisen, so just a skull with eye sockets will do

(by Dharam)

Trump's Medical Report Is More Insane Than His Campaign Somehow

(The Daily Beast)

To Whom My Concern [sic] I have been the personal physician of Mr. Donald J. Trump since 1980. His previous physician was my father, Dr. Jacob Bornstein. Over the past 39 years, I am pleased to report that Mr. Trump has had no significant medical problems. Mr. Trump has had a recent complete examination that showed only positive results. Actually, his blood pressure, 110/65, and his laboratory test results were astonishingly excellent. Over the past twelve months, he has lost at least fifteen pounds. Mr. Trump takes 81 mg of aspirin daily and a low dose of statin. His PSA test score is 0.15 (very low). His physical strength and stamina are extraordinary. Mr. Trump has suffered no form of cancer, has never had a hip, knee, or shoulder replacement or any other orthopedic surgery. His only surgery was an appendectomy at age ten. His cardiovascular status is excellent. He has no history of ever using alcohol or tobacco products. If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency. Harold N. Bornstein, MD, FACG

=

This man is a major concern: I recently examined Mr. Donald J. Trump aka The Donald at his personal penthouse asylum suite in the Trump Tower, Upper Manhattan, New York. To tell the truth he is completely insane. At best Trump is a very dangerous psychopath. He suffers from all sorts of mental disorders and complexes, significantly Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy, severe pseudologia fantastica (compulsive pathological lying, in particular as concerns the amount of his personal net wealth), hysteria and narcissistic personality disorder (watchword: hair). The man is a distressed, short-tempered, asocial, psychotic extrovert who is prone to severe uncontrollable disturbances and crotchety, quarrelsome, behavior. His language is, therefore, observably provocative, controversial, hyperbolic and shamelessly offensive. He waffles and vociferates. Should he ever become US president, all I can say is: God help him, America and the entire world, for that matter! Attested: Chet H. Hogwash, PhD Psychiatrist and hypnotist to Mr. Trump

(by Jason Lofts)

Donald Trump would be 'the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency', says his doctor

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Twitter

Donald Trump would be 'the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency', says his doctor, a gastroenterologist, Dr. Harold Bornstein, MD, FACG = Oh God! Medico errs. With various psychopathic disorders, he's a rotten, bald, demented, detestable, deranged, vilest, frothing, doolally, lunatic nutter!

(by Julian Lofts)