This is the World's Largest Blue Sapphire

(Fortune)

The world's largest blue sapphire? = But hell, it's a whopper, regardless!

(by Julian Lofts)

Topless in Thailand: Two Western female tourists fined for public nudity

(Yahoo!)

Topless in Thailand = Still had panties on!

(by Robert Jordan)

American Idol will end after next season

(Toronto Star)

Photo: Brian Byrne

American Idol is to end at last = An addiction to stale realism

(by Julian Lofts)

Sweden imposes ID checks on bridge from Denmark to stem migrant influx

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: European Roads

Swedes are regulating their borders = Bridge worries the Danes. Result - rage!

(by Julian Lofts)

Barred owl attacked civil servants

(MSN)

Photo: Camron Flanders

Barred owl attacked civil servants in Salem, Oregon = Keen, manic, enraged bird revolts, claws at violators

(by Russ Atkinson)

Mash star Wayne Rogers dies aged 82

(BBC)

Portrait: Graham Lees

Mister William Wayne McMillan Rogers the Third has died = M*A*S*H actor made all men smile/leer with his dry wit. I'd grin. = Whether dead still a merry, martini-swilling M*A*S*H medico!

(by Julian Lofts)

Justice Department sues Volkswagen over Clean Air Act violations

(MarketWatch)

Photo: Kostya Kartavenka

Volkswagen violated Clean Air Act = VW scandal: Look, a negative article!

(by Jason Lofts)

Camille Cosby's Loyalty Confounds a New Generation

(New Republic)

Photo: Peabody Awards

Camille Olivia Cosby = A lovely comic's alibi

(by Julian Lofts)

Islamic Militant Group Uses Donald Trump Video to Recruit Followers

(Australia Network)

Photo: Michael Vadon

Islamic militant group uses Donald Trump's video statements to recruit followers = OTT! Rot! ISIS "Apprentice" film would startle and discourage most Muslim volunteers

(by Jason Lofts)

Donald Trump: Hillary Clinton created Isil with Obama

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Joe Catron

Donald Trump says "Hillary Clinton created ISIL with Obama" = Rash, idiotic, inane twaddle by morally ill, macho prat stuns

(by Julian Lofts)

The shocking backstory behind the Bill Cosby rape allegations that led to criminal charges

(Milford Beacon)

Photo: Post Memes

Well-regarded American stand-up comedian = Criminal at large seduced and raped women

(by Jason Lofts)

George Lucas sorry for 'white slaver' comment

(BBC)

Photo: Disney/ABC

George Lucas sorry for the 'white slaver' comment = Lo! "Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith" or ugly commerce?

George Lucas is sorry for that 'white slaver' comment = It's "Star Wars: The Stormy Revenge of a Choleric Mogul"!

(by Julian Lofts)

The Most Delicious (And Grossest) Hangover Remedies, Ranked

(Huffington Post)

Photo: John Swords

The Most Delicious (And Grossest) Hangover Remedies, Ranked 1. A lot of greasy food 2. Hair of the dog 3. Electrolyte tablets 4. Pedialyte 5. Pickle juice 6. Balut 7. Dried bull penis

=

1. Eat deep-fried bacon 2. A jiggerful of distilled rye alcohol 3. Salt, potassium 4. Yes, sure solves it 5. Gherkin eaters, note! 6. O, the dreaded poached little duck embryo! 7. Biltong

(by Jason Lofts)

The 2016 Vladimir Putin Calendar

(Sky News)

The Vladimir Putin calendar for this year = Mad, feverish, hallucinatory, intrepid "art"! = Over-alpha male nutter did carry fish in it

(by Julian & Jason Lofts)

Safeguard your corporate SIM

(IT News Africa)

Photo: Vaidotas Mišeikis

Subscriber identification module (SIM) = I'm card found in mobile - I secure its bits = I'm card found in mobile - I rescue its bits

(by Jason Lofts)

Ex-Glee star Mark Salling held on child abuse image claims

(BBC)

Photo: Mike Ownby

Glee star Noah "Puck" Puckerman is arrested in Los Angeles = Agents reckon Mark Salling's a secret paedophile. Unsure?

(by Julian Lofts)

Baby Goes All Homer Simpson While Tasting Bacon For The First Time

(Huffington Post)

Easton Beach = He eats bacon

(by Robert Jordan)

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's Christmas: The Most Over-the-Top Details

(Vanity Fair)

Photo: Jenny

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's Christmas: The Most Over-the-Top Details = See madman astonished North's ma KK, relatives at party with kitsch dose = That dotty darkish man lavishes crass winter keepsakes on hot dim mate

(by Jason Lofts)

Japan and South Korea agree WW2 'comfort women' deal

(BBC)

Photo: Melissa Wall

The debased South Korean 'comfort women' = "Men forced us to work on a bed - hate them so."

(by Julian Lofts)

See Every Person of the Year in 15 Seconds

(Time)

The public figure that I would have chosen as TIME's Person of the Year is...
= Vengeful hybrid amputee athlete Oscar Pistorius who shot his fiancée
= Pope Francis, the troubled guy who utilises the Vatican free as his home
= Charlie Hebdo. Evil huffish thugs wipe out cartoonist team seen as prey
= A team: He is cute faerie North's pouting pa; she is his hot, curvy bedfellow
= Vladimir Putin: A cheerless, tough, beefy chief; he was the top Russian too
= Even G.W. Bush, the so hilariously pathetic president of the US of America
= FIFA's President Blatter, whom the US chase. He is covering up. I loathe you!
= Hirsute UEFA President Michel Platini. Why? Shoot, because he got favors!
= E.T. "Tiger" Woods. Ha, the rich player misbehaves (unfaithful to nice spouse)
= Oprah Winfrey, the huge fat US television host. To her bulimic escapades!
= The Islamic State (IS). They are unit/group who chop off unbelievers' heads
= Islamic State (group of neophyte thieves who behead rueful Christians)
= Tsipras: Is PM in Athens while Greece has voted for hefty (ouch!) EU bailout
= W.H. Cosby, the hopeful nefarious lecherous date rapist. Investigate him!
= Tony Crafter. Oh, he pens positive beautiful 'grams, he does, which I salute
= The Lofts twins: i.e. they've published facetious or euphoric anagrams, eh?

(by Jason Lofts)