US military funds research into lab-grown testicles for wounded soldiers

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Kevin O'Mara

Lab-grown testicles for wounded soldiers = Urologist: "Two new descended balls for sir!"

Research into lab-grown testicles for wounded soldiers = Choice is two new steel balls for grunts and rodeo riders

(by Julian Lofts)

The Ecstasy of 'Hateful Eight' Maestro Ennio Morricone

(Houston Press)

'Hateful Eight' overture composer Ennio Morricone = Oh, author merits encore over epic gore film tune, no?

(by Jason Lofts)

Hungarian journalist slammed for 'seven types of blackface'

(The Guardian)

Photo: Bored Panda

The activist Boglarka Balogh's project "I Morphed Myself Into Tribal Women To Raise Awareness Of Their Secluded Cultures" = Bowdlerise this elitist Hungarian human rights lawyer accused of deplorable 'Blackface'. Most protesters jeer, vomit too.

(by Julian Lofts)

Google translate 'technical glitch' turns 'Russia' into 'Mordor'

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Apionid

Google translate 'technical glitch' turns 'Russian Federation' into 'Mordor' = Crude translation into language in 'The Lord of the Rings' is almost correct

(by Jason Lofts)

This is the World's Largest Blue Sapphire

(Fortune)

The world's largest blue sapphire? = But hell, it's a whopper, regardless!

(by Julian Lofts)

Topless in Thailand: Two Western female tourists fined for public nudity

(Yahoo!)

Topless in Thailand = Still had panties on!

(by Robert Jordan)

American Idol will end after next season

(Toronto Star)

Photo: Brian Byrne

American Idol is to end at last = An addiction to stale realism

(by Julian Lofts)

Sweden imposes ID checks on bridge from Denmark to stem migrant influx

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: European Roads

Swedes are regulating their borders = Bridge worries the Danes. Result - rage!

(by Julian Lofts)

Barred owl attacked civil servants

(MSN)

Photo: Camron Flanders

Barred owl attacked civil servants in Salem, Oregon = Keen, manic, enraged bird revolts, claws at violators

(by Russ Atkinson)

Mash star Wayne Rogers dies aged 82

(BBC)

Portrait: Graham Lees

Mister William Wayne McMillan Rogers the Third has died = M*A*S*H actor made all men smile/leer with his dry wit. I'd grin. = Whether dead still a merry, martini-swilling M*A*S*H medico!

(by Julian Lofts)

Justice Department sues Volkswagen over Clean Air Act violations

(MarketWatch)

Photo: Kostya Kartavenka

Volkswagen violated Clean Air Act = VW scandal: Look, a negative article!

(by Jason Lofts)

Camille Cosby's Loyalty Confounds a New Generation

(New Republic)

Photo: Peabody Awards

Camille Olivia Cosby = A lovely comic's alibi

(by Julian Lofts)

Islamic Militant Group Uses Donald Trump Video to Recruit Followers

(Australia Network)

Photo: Michael Vadon

Islamic militant group uses Donald Trump's video statements to recruit followers = OTT! Rot! ISIS "Apprentice" film would startle and discourage most Muslim volunteers

(by Jason Lofts)

Donald Trump: Hillary Clinton created Isil with Obama

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Joe Catron

Donald Trump says "Hillary Clinton created ISIL with Obama" = Rash, idiotic, inane twaddle by morally ill, macho prat stuns

(by Julian Lofts)

The shocking backstory behind the Bill Cosby rape allegations that led to criminal charges

(Milford Beacon)

Photo: Post Memes

Well-regarded American stand-up comedian = Criminal at large seduced and raped women

(by Jason Lofts)

George Lucas sorry for 'white slaver' comment

(BBC)

Photo: Disney/ABC

George Lucas sorry for the 'white slaver' comment = Lo! "Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith" or ugly commerce?

George Lucas is sorry for that 'white slaver' comment = It's "Star Wars: The Stormy Revenge of a Choleric Mogul"!

(by Julian Lofts)

The Most Delicious (And Grossest) Hangover Remedies, Ranked

(Huffington Post)

Photo: John Swords

The Most Delicious (And Grossest) Hangover Remedies, Ranked 1. A lot of greasy food 2. Hair of the dog 3. Electrolyte tablets 4. Pedialyte 5. Pickle juice 6. Balut 7. Dried bull penis

=

1. Eat deep-fried bacon 2. A jiggerful of distilled rye alcohol 3. Salt, potassium 4. Yes, sure solves it 5. Gherkin eaters, note! 6. O, the dreaded poached little duck embryo! 7. Biltong

(by Jason Lofts)

The 2016 Vladimir Putin Calendar

(Sky News)

The Vladimir Putin calendar for this year = Mad, feverish, hallucinatory, intrepid "art"! = Over-alpha male nutter did carry fish in it

(by Julian & Jason Lofts)

Safeguard your corporate SIM

(IT News Africa)

Photo: Vaidotas Mišeikis

Subscriber identification module (SIM) = I'm card found in mobile - I secure its bits = I'm card found in mobile - I rescue its bits

(by Jason Lofts)

Ex-Glee star Mark Salling held on child abuse image claims

(BBC)

Photo: Mike Ownby

Glee star Noah "Puck" Puckerman is arrested in Los Angeles = Agents reckon Mark Salling's a secret paedophile. Unsure?

(by Julian Lofts)