Drug raid captures El Chapo

(Reuters)

Drug raid captures El Chapo = Drug lord pariah escape cut

(by Russ Atkinson)

Michelin-starred experience for foodie guests on "most luxurious ship ever"

(South China Morning Post)

Photo: Numismatic Bibliomania Society

A Michelin three-star restaurant = Ultra-rich men, tsarinas eat there

(by Jason Lofts)

Antimigrant Protests in Germany

(The Wall Street Journal)

Photo: Kelly Kline

The antimigrant protests in Germany = Nation's angry rightist temperament

(by Jason Lofts)

Syrian government ready to attend peace talks in Geneva

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Oxfam

Syria peace talks = Israel: pact's a key!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Golden Globes -- Winners include The Revenant, Dicaprio, Brie Larson, The Martian, Lady Gaga, Sylvester Stallone, Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Jon Hamm, Oscar Isaac, Cookie from Empire

(Showbiz 411)

Photo: Televisione Streaming

And a Golden Globe award surprisingly goes to two ugly actors ~ pugilist Stallone and gargoyle Gaga. Unrest! Rowdy crowds boo!

(by Julian Lofts)

Playboy Mansion 'up for sale' for $US200 million

(Sydney Morning Herald)

Photo: Daniel Wastak

Playboy Mansion 'up for sale' = Lousy porno base. Infamy, pal!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Israeli troops shoot Palestinians who tried to stab soldiers

(The Herald)

Photo: Israel Defense Forces

Israeli troops shoot Palestinians who tried to stab soldiers = Traditional hostilities toward the obsessional oppressors

(by Jason Lofts)

Cologne attacks: Merkel proposes tougher migrant laws

(BBC)

Photo: European People's Party

Cologne's the fourth-largest metropolis in Germany = Migrant youths lose control there, groping females

(by Jason Lofts)

Tom Hanks brings back civility with 'Bridge of Spies'

(Sioux City Journal)

Actor Tom Hanks is in the film 'Bridge of Spies' = Leitmotif's good brinkmanship, safer ethics

(by Julian Lofts)

The True Story Behind The Revenant, as Told in 1939

(Time)

"The Revenant", a biographical western based on the true story of Hugh Glass, is set in South Dakota and Montana = Indians attack, a huge bear savages Leo, see flesh then Hardy abandons him. Potent grunts, notorious wrath. OTT!

(by Julian Lofts)

Man arrested over 'White House dognapping plot'

(The Irish Independent)

Photo: US Embassy Panama

Man arrested over alleged US White House dognapping plot = Single male hoped/planned to ravish Portuguese water dog

(by Jason Lofts)

Man Accused of Shooting Philly Cop Pledged Allegiance to ISIS, Police Say

(Yahoo!)

The suspect Edward Archer = Trash, eh? Captured & screwed!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

'World's first' virtual reality porn flick invites men to take part in a simulated orgy

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: Sergey Galyonkin

The 'world's first' virtual reality porn flick invites men to take part in a simulated orgy = Dirty perverts wearing an Oculus Rift headset to marvel at kinky titillation film pros

(by Jason Lofts)

US military funds research into lab-grown testicles for wounded soldiers

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Kevin O'Mara

Lab-grown testicles for wounded soldiers = Urologist: "Two new descended balls for sir!"

Research into lab-grown testicles for wounded soldiers = Choice is two new steel balls for grunts and rodeo riders

(by Julian Lofts)

The Ecstasy of 'Hateful Eight' Maestro Ennio Morricone

(Houston Press)

'Hateful Eight' overture composer Ennio Morricone = Oh, author merits encore over epic gore film tune, no?

(by Jason Lofts)

Hungarian journalist slammed for 'seven types of blackface'

(The Guardian)

Photo: Bored Panda

The activist Boglarka Balogh's project "I Morphed Myself Into Tribal Women To Raise Awareness Of Their Secluded Cultures" = Bowdlerise this elitist Hungarian human rights lawyer accused of deplorable 'Blackface'. Most protesters jeer, vomit too.

(by Julian Lofts)

Google translate 'technical glitch' turns 'Russia' into 'Mordor'

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Apionid

Google translate 'technical glitch' turns 'Russian Federation' into 'Mordor' = Crude translation into language in 'The Lord of the Rings' is almost correct

(by Jason Lofts)

This is the World's Largest Blue Sapphire

(Fortune)

The world's largest blue sapphire? = But hell, it's a whopper, regardless!

(by Julian Lofts)

Topless in Thailand: Two Western female tourists fined for public nudity

(Yahoo!)

Topless in Thailand = Still had panties on!

(by Robert Jordan)

American Idol will end after next season

(Toronto Star)

Photo: Brian Byrne

American Idol is to end at last = An addiction to stale realism

(by Julian Lofts)