Pig shows up at New Hampshire polling place

(MSN)

Pig shows up at New Hampshire polling place = It gulps swill. He a new GOP champion, perhaps?

(by Russ Atkinson)

Barbara Bush: I'm sick of Donald Trump

(CNN)

Barbara Bush: I'm sick of Donald Trump = "Horrid bad bum's a boastful prick, man!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Pro Wrestler Daniel Bryan Announces His Retirement From WWE

(E!)

Photo: Krystal Bogner

The pro wrestler Daniel Bryan = Lethal brawny person retired

(by Jason Lofts)

Butt Print Valentine's Cards: Cheeky Or Asinine?

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Ringerprints

Butt print Valentine's Day cards = Verdict: Anal pattern by nudists

(by Jason Lofts)

Another member of ISIS execution squad reportedly identified

(Yahoo!)

Image: Karl-Ludwig Poggemann

Alexanda Kotey = No delay, take ax!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

One in four Germans say they back a policy to shoot unwanted illegal refugees at their borders

(Daily Mail)

The present refugee crisis in Germany = "Fuehrer, get snipers! It is an emergency!"

(by Julian Lofts)

Veterans Refuse To Appear on Stage as Puppets for Donald Trump

(Gawker)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Veterans Refuse To Appear on Stage as Puppets for Donald Trump = Prudent vets refused to PR on fat-arse mogul-ape's apparent soap!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Protests in Europe target migrants

(CNN)

Illustration: Masha Krasnova-Shabaeva

Protests in Europe target migrants = Stop! Peregrinators must integrate! = Irate time; strangers get no support

(by Jason Lofts)

US Dr. Tseng sentenced to 30 years to life in overdose deaths

(Yahoo!)

Doctor Hsiu-Ying "Lisa" Tseng = So guilty in scoring deaths!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Matt LeBlanc to co-present Top Gear alongside Chris Evans

(The Guardian)

Photo: Wikimedia

Matt LeBlanc is the latest Top Gear show's host = A slow meatball testing the hottest posh cars = Genial wombat tests all the hottest posh cars
[Wombat: Australian slang for someone who eats, roots, and leaves. Also a simple-minded person.]

(by Julian Lofts)

New tarantula is named after music legend Johnny Cash

(MSN)

Photo: Chris Hamilton

New tarantula is named after music legend Johnny Cash = Had such fame in jail as Country and Western gentleman

(by Barry Solomons)

The Truth About Israel's National Security

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Kate

Israel's national security = It relies on anal casuistry

(by Jason Lofts)

Bill Cosby is Not Dr. Cliff Huxtable

(The Spectrum)

Photo: Post Memes

The Bill Cosby date rape allegations = Coyest ladies all get phenobarbital

(by Jason Lofts)

Playboy's first non-nude edition: Snapchat and Instagram models

(USA Today)

Playboy magazine's first new non-nude issue = Nowadays no sleazy bunnies. Feminist purge?

(by Jason Lofts)

Woolly mammoth, giant sloth dinner was really sea turtle

(MSN)

Photo: Tyler Ingram

Woolly mammoth, giant sloth dinner was really sea turtle = No, any swill at the grill was truly loathsome modern meat

(by Russ Atkinson)

Lord Lucan death certificate granted

(BBC)

Photo: Wikimedia

Lord Lucan certified as dead = Cad CID trailed around, flees

(by Barry Solomons)

Adele Tells Donald Trump To Stop Using Her Music On The Campaign Trail

(Huffington Post)

Portrait: vectorportal.com

Adele tells Donald Trump to stop using her music on the campaign trail = Sending ultimatum to mad plutocrat asshole: Scrap "Rolling in the Deep"!

(by Jason Lofts)

Rio Olympics: fears grow that Games could be affected by Zika virus

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Day Donaldson

The unfortunate cases of microcephaly in Brazil ~ account for the unsafe Brazilian Olympics there

(by Julian Lofts)

Surgery for Bangladesh's 'Tree Man' to remove warts

(Yahoo!)

Surgery for Bangladesh's 'Tree Man' to remove warts = A man's severe ugly rare growths to be transformed

(by Jason Lofts)

Arab man tried to smuggle liquor in his pants

(MSN)

Photo: Twitter/Saudi Arabian customs

Arab man tried to smuggle liquor in his pants = Muslim squad tight, nails poor entering Arab

(by Russ Atkinson)