Frank Kelly, Known for 'Father Ted,' Dies

(ABC News)

Actor Frank Kelly dies = "Feck! Drink!" -a salty role!

(by Julian Lofts)

Google driverless car hits bus in California

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Alan

The Google driverless car hits a bus in California = Alas, this dangerous robotic vehicle's erring. FAIL!

(by Julian Lofts)

Obese People Found to Perform Worse In Episodic Memory Test, New Study Finds

(BizTek Mojo)

Photo: Tony Alter

Obese People Found to Perform Worse In Episodic Memory Test, New Study Finds = If poor muddy memory often creeps in, best power it up! Dine less on sweet foods!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Trump Is Republicans' Frankenstein Monster

(Washington Post)

Cartoon: Mike Luckovich

Trump is the GOP's Frankenstein monster. Now he's strong enough to destroy the party = Most intense, potent, rotten, smutty, power-hungry pig, the Ogre of Darkness, has horns!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein; or, The Modern Prometheus' = Yes, he's really Mr Trump ('The Don'). He's intense! Freak! Moron!

(by Julian Lofts)

Salem, Oregon fires its landscape goats

(MSN)

Photo: Brian Evans

Salem, Oregon fires its landscape goats = Gross animals defecate! Operating loss.

(by Russ Atkinson)

GOP debate takeaways: Rubio, Cruz aggressively take on Trump

(CTV News)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

GOP debate takeaways: Rubio, Cruz aggressively take on Trump = Attack on a big vile geezer may work up to Super Tuesday's grab?

(by Maurice Goddard)

These Are The Ten Best Cities In The World To Live In

(Yahoo! News)

Photo: Steve Evans

These Are The Ten Best Cities In The World To Live In: 1. Vienna 2. Zurich 3. Auckland 4. Munich 5. Vancouver 6. Dusseldorf 7. Frankfurt 8. Geneva 9. Copenhagen 10. Sydney

=

1. Look, here tender inviting Austria! 2,8. Correct Swiss 3. True love - NZ 4, 6 plus 7 (bunch!) - Germany 5. Huh, even Canada fifth! 9. Even Danish city! 10. Even decent AU! End, folk!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Report: BBC missed chances to stop sexual predator Jimmy Savile

(CBS News)

Photo: Downing Street

Sexual predator Jimmy Savile = Slim jovial sex marauder type = Ideal summary: jovial "sexpert" = A VIP sex marauder's jolly time

(by Jason Lofts)

Justice Scalia spent his last hours with members of this secretive society of elite hunters

(Washington Post)

Caricature: Jeff Fecke

International Order of St. Hubertus ~ for tenebrous traditional hunters

(by Jason Lofts)

Dutch squirrel bridge used five times

(The Independent)

Photo: Mark Garth

Dutch squirrel bridge used five times = Lush girder quite dumb, defective, sirs

(by Russ Atkinson)

How to speak like a true Brit

(BBC)

Photo: Nina A.J.

How to speak like a true Brit = The tea brews, I talk, OK I pour

(by Robert Jordan)

Trump wins South Carolina primary

(Los Angeles Times)

Trump wins South Carolina primary = A worry: Manipulator triumphs in SC

(by Jason Lofts)

Italian author Umberto Eco dies aged 84

(The Guardian)

Illustration: giveawayboy

Famous Italian writer Umberto Eco has died = A formidable Euro semiotician thwarted us

(by Julian Lofts)

Australian town gripped by hairy panic

(Al Jazeera)

Australian town gripped by hairy panic = Runaway plant crop: it is in big yard heap

(by Russ Atkinson)

Turkeys go postal

(MSN)

Photo: WFIU Public Radio

Turkeys go postal ~ stalk poorest guy

(by Russ Atkinson)

GPS for your sex drive

(UC Berkeley News)

GPS for your sex drive = Foxy surges provider

(by Russ Atkinson)

Need a job? Google is hiring like crazy for its driverless cars

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Automobile Italia

The self-driving car = First grand vehicle

(by Aronas Pinchas)

The Men Who Stare at Laundry

(MSN)

The men who stare at laundry = Why a turn-on lathered mates

(by Robert Jordan)

Trying to Buy a House

(Huffington Post)

Photo: Dave Kliman

Trying to buy a house = You bug his attorney!

(by Robert Jordan)

Ehud Olmert begins first day in prison today

(Arutz Sheva)

Photo: Jonathan Klinger

Ehud Olmert has been sent to prison in Israel = Elite PM's rotten. He's a dishonourable sinner.

(by Julian Lofts)