Inky the Octopus escapes from the National Aquarium of New Zealand

(ABC News)

Inky the Octopus escapes from the National Aquarium of New Zealand = Ha, fit male cephalopod squeezes out of tank, now in marine sanctuary!

Anagram: Jason Lofts

The Conservatives - We are the Nasty Party

(Huffington Post)

The Conservatives - We are the nasty party = Yet investors cheat peasantry whatever

Anagram: Robert Jordan, Image: Teacher Dude

MTV Movie Awards: Melissa McCarthy makes history as first woman to win Comedic Genius Award

(Entertainment Weekly)

The obese comedian Melissa Ann McCarthy = Tenably, she's an immense comedic actor. Ha!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

The Archbishop of Canterbury learns his real father was Churchill's private secretary

(BBC)

The Archbishop of Canterbury, the Most Reverend Justin Welby ~ frets, overwhelmed by paternity. Ha, he's just not born cherubic!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: IMF

Cubans facing beer shortage as thirsty American tourists put island's main brewery under strain

(The Independent)

Cubans facing beer shortage as thirsty American tourists put island's main brewery under strain = Sunny Caribbean country (its rum is rather grand) has amber deficit as transient US topers swig ale

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: lezumbalaberenjena

Mossack Fonseca: inside the firm that helps the super-rich hide their money

(The Guardian)

Mossack Fonseca = A scam? OK, confess!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Former Sailor Cleared of Murder, Rape After Spending 33 Years in Prison Speaks Out

(Yahoo!)

Keith Allen Harward = Law had real rethink

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas

Entire Batcave recreated from scratch using LEGOs

(MSN)

Entire Batcave recreated from scratch using LEGOs = Venturer crafts garish, elegant, comic, secret abode

Anagram: Russ Atkinson, Photo: Dan Glasure

Nude painting of Donald Trump goes on display in London

(The Daily Telegraph)

Nude portrait "Make America Great Again" = A tragic dream - peek at a miniature organ

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Bernie Sanders Wins Wyoming Democratic Caucuses

(The New York Times)

Bernie Sanders wins Wyoming Democratic caucuses = By now, me securing success worries main candidate.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Scientists find no trace of Neanderthal Y-chromosomes in modern humans

(Christian Science Monitor)

Scientists find no trace of Neanderthal Y-chromosomes in modern humans = Seems it's in the manic con-man, fishy, coarse front-runner, The Donald. Dooms!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Cartoon: Mike Luckovich

The rise of Donald Trump is a terrifying moment in American politics

(Vox)

The rise of Donald Trump is a terrifying moment in American politics = If president (POTUS), moronic man is in charge of military. Detrimental!

Anagram: Jason Lofts

D-Day veteran proposes to childhood sweetheart

(The Independent)

The love story to end all love stories. Roy Vickerman and Nora Jackson called off their wedding in 1946 but were reunited when Roy called Graham Torrington's BBC radio show. Now, 70 years on, they're going to get married.

Posted by BBC Midlands Today on Monday, April 4, 2016

D-Day veteran proposes to childhood sweetheart = Very old, stooped chap to wed his dearest on earth

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Donald Trump Throws A Tantrum And Accuses Ted Cruz Of Illegal Activity In Wisconsin

(PoliticusUSA)

Donald Trump Throws A Tantrum And Accuses Ted Cruz Of Illegal Activity In Wisconsin = Crazy Presidential candidate sworn that rival's misconduct got unlawful miscount

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

People Can't Stop Vandalizing Donald Trump's Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

(Vanity Fair)

People Can't Stop Vandalizing Donald Trump's Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame = All Nazi swastikas left on top happen to tell much of a proven dodgy worm, Donald

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Illustration: DonkeyHotey)

Panama Papers: Mossack Fonseca leak reveals elite's tax havens

(BBC)

The Panama Papers = Phat names appear

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: Christopher Dombres)

Reykjavik, Iceland shown in video ad as Rhode Island capital

(MSN)

Reykjavik, Iceland shown in video ad as Rhode Island capital = Oh, ad lady pilloried, sacked when R.I. is a Scandinavian TV joke.

(Anagram: Russ Atkinson)

Could It Be That Vladimir Putin and Wendi Deng Are in Love?

(Vanity Fair)

Businesswoman Wendi Deng's three most prestigious sweethearts
1. Rupert Murdoch
2. Tony Blair
3. Vladimir Putin
=
1. Very old media mogul (now that's gross!)
2. An unctuous British Prime Minister (dweeb)
3. The Russian President (twerp).

Anagram: Julian Lofts; Photo: orionpozo

Transcript: Donald Trump interview with Bob Woodward and Robert Costa

(Washington Post)

Transcript: Donald Trump interview with Bob Woodward and Robert Costa = A window into abhorrent twirp's drivel, dumb rot, and bad-to-worst crap, etc!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

Blue Origin's reusable rocket just stuck its third landing

(Wired)

Blue Origin's reusable rocket = Eek, our burner goes ballistic!

(by Julian Lofts)