Prince Dead At 57

(TMZ)

Prince is dead = I ascended. RIP.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: G Ross

Alton Towers owner facing huge fine after pleading guilty over Smiler crash

(St. Helens Star)

Alton Towers = Lot to answer

Anagram: Jason Lofts

The Bunyadi: London gets its first naked restaurant

(The Week)

The Bunyadi: London gets its first naked restaurant = Featuring randy nudists that dine on steak, lobster... = Bistrot feeds nudes trying a natural diet. No thanks!

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: Thomas Hawk

Six ex-'Apprentice' stars to disavow Donald Trump for his 'anti-American' campaign

(New York Daily News)

Six ex-'Apprentice' stars to disavow Donald Trump for his 'anti-American' campaign = Paranoid pig's rot saw putrid sexism, racism, toxic hate, and rampant fan violence!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard

At Israeli brewery, last sip of beer Jesus might have drunk

(MSN)

At Israeli brewery, last sip of beer Jesus might have drunk = I hear Jewish guys taste rare bible drink; flavor upsets me.

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Trump's campaign may see some fallout from its fight with the RNC

(CNN)

Trump's campaign may see some fallout from its fight with the RNC = In truth, creepy mogul is a fast-scoffing mammoth wimp that leers!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard

Couple Sits On Bench

(Huffington Post)

Couple sits on bench. After a while they got up = Scene's nice: the two photograph beautifully

Anagram: Robert Jordan, Photo: British High Commission

Trump's foreign policy alarms the world

(The Sun Daily)

Trump's foreign policy alarms the world = Cipher for "Troglodyte plans Muslim war"

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Mars Food tells customers to go easy on the pasta sauce

(Daily Mail)

Mars Food tells customers to go easy on the pasta sauce = To analyse: Seems too processed, too much salt, sugar, fat

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: wazabees

Bernie Sanders attacks capitalism during trip to Vatican

(USA Today)

Bernie Sanders attacks capitalism during trip to Vatican = "A decadent vice, sir! Trump's a stinking baron capitalist rat!"

Anagram: Maurice Goddard

Godzilla-Like Marine Iguana Filmed Foraging In The Waters Of The Galapagos Islands

(IFLScience)

Photographer Steve Winkworth captures this Godzilla-like marine iguana underwater ~ or whenever a Galapagos lizard lurks in the ocean we think it's a turgid whopper, I mutter.

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Colourful 'vomit-like' Australian $5 note unveiled

(MSN)

Colourful 'vomit-like' Australian currency unveiled = "Anomalous ickier fiver unloved, uncultural," I let cry

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Inky the Octopus escapes from the National Aquarium of New Zealand

(ABC News)

Inky the Octopus escapes from the National Aquarium of New Zealand = Ha, fit male cephalopod squeezes out of tank, now in marine sanctuary!

Anagram: Jason Lofts

The Conservatives - We are the Nasty Party

(Huffington Post)

The Conservatives - We are the nasty party = Yet investors cheat peasantry whatever

Anagram: Robert Jordan, Image: Teacher Dude

MTV Movie Awards: Melissa McCarthy makes history as first woman to win Comedic Genius Award

(Entertainment Weekly)

The obese comedian Melissa Ann McCarthy = Tenably, she's an immense comedic actor. Ha!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

The Archbishop of Canterbury learns his real father was Churchill's private secretary

(BBC)

The Archbishop of Canterbury, the Most Reverend Justin Welby ~ frets, overwhelmed by paternity. Ha, he's just not born cherubic!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: IMF

Cubans facing beer shortage as thirsty American tourists put island's main brewery under strain

(The Independent)

Cubans facing beer shortage as thirsty American tourists put island's main brewery under strain = Sunny Caribbean country (its rum is rather grand) has amber deficit as transient US topers swig ale

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: lezumbalaberenjena

Mossack Fonseca: inside the firm that helps the super-rich hide their money

(The Guardian)

Mossack Fonseca = A scam? OK, confess!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Former Sailor Cleared of Murder, Rape After Spending 33 Years in Prison Speaks Out

(Yahoo!)

Keith Allen Harward = Law had real rethink

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas

Entire Batcave recreated from scratch using LEGOs

(MSN)

Entire Batcave recreated from scratch using LEGOs = Venturer crafts garish, elegant, comic, secret abode

Anagram: Russ Atkinson, Photo: Dan Glasure