Donald Trump Accuses Ted Cruz's Father of Associating With Kennedy Assassin

(The New York Times)

Donald Trump Accuses Ted Cruz's Father of Associating With Kennedy Assassin = That snarky US cuss recognizes said dad in Oswald street pic. Fun fact? No shame!

Anagram: Dharam Khalsa

Trump The Fainthearted

(Daily Caller)

Trump The Fainthearted = Imprudent fat threat, eh?

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Sports Authority bankruptcy sale could close remaining stores

(CNN)

Sports Authority = Say truth: it's poor

Anagram: Rosie Perera, Photo: Mike Kalasnik

Donald Trump accuses China of trade 'rape'

(The Daily Telegraph)

Trade rape = Retard! Ape!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Who has better odds to win the White House, Trump or Clinton?

(NJ.com)

My apologies = GOP: I may lose

Democratic nominee = Nice dream to come in

A Donald Trump ticket = Talk Democrat, pundit!

Donald Trump's supporters = Lord! Spur up damn protests!

Donald Trump's real chances = Crap. Much later, end and loss.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: Yanito Freminoshi

Weasel shuts down Large Hadron Collider

(Christian Science Monitor)

Weasel shuts down Large Hadron Collider = Result: doing research had all slowed now

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Har Gobind Singh Khalsa

Killing bin Laden was Obama's real 'mic drop' moment

(MSN)

Osama bin Laden = "Slain. END." -Obama

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: US Embassy

Probability we're the only intelligent life ever? Really low, say astronomers

(Christian Science Monitor)

Probability we're the only intelligent life ever? Really low, say astronomers = Well, sir, we've yet really no probability theory of little green aliens on Mars!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: clement127

Five Years After Bin Laden's Death, What's Changed?

(NBC News)

Osama bin Laden = 's one bad animal = Bad ol' man in sea

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: Surian Soosay

Clinton: Don't let progress fall to Trump

(Washington Post)

Clinton: Don't let progress fall to Trump = Polls tell: strong Democrat put in front

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

For Obama's final correspondents' dinner, the obvious targets: Trump, Cruz and himself

(Washington Post)

The White House Correspondents' Dinner = The President, our chosen winner, hosted

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Trump's ex-wife used to tell friends about his erectile dysfunction

(deathandtaxesmag)

Trump's ex-wife used to tell her friends about his erectile dysfunction = I/We conclude it seems hurt bride reported he's sexually unfit (not stiff)

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: PROGage Skidmore

What It's Like to Write Jokes for President Obama

(The New York Times)

What It's Like to Write Jokes for President Obama = Work hard; smart wit is OK, tiniest jape too feeble.

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Female Ted Cruz Lookalike Agrees To Do Porn For $10,000

(Huffington Post)

Searcy Hayes = Aye, she scary! = Aye, he's scary!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

White House 2016: Clinton Gears Up for Trump in Fall Race

(The New York Times)

Who should be voted in as the American President? = One best case: I wish I don't have Donald Trump here! = Top name Clinton deserves a hard White House bid = Hard to choose a super mind between the invalids!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Firefighters Rescue Cops Stuck In Elevator

(MSN)

Firefighters Rescue Cops Stuck In Elevator = Greater stuff: service heros unstick police

Anagram: Russ Atkinson, Photo: CBS Interactive

Russian 'eternal flame' replaced by cardboard painting

(BBC)

Russian 'eternal flame' replaced by cardboard painting = A grand, true, symbolic fire can't end! A paper is real bland!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Vitaly Nevar / Novy Kaliningrad

If Donald Trump Were a Woman, He'd Have Zero Percent of the Vote

(Rolling Stone)

If Donald Trump Were a Woman, He'd Have Zero Percent of the Vote = What? I hope we never do vote for the crazed female "Donna Trump".

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: misery722

Protest Turns Violent at Trump Rally

(ABC News)

Protest Turns Violent at Trump Rally = Plan: start Trump revolution. Let's try!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: Yanito Freminoshi

Can Donald Trump really win the White House?

(Quartz)

President of the United States of America = I'd restate: Trump office set in stone ahead.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: KAZ Vorpal