This New Trailer for Blake Lively's Shark Movie The Shallows Is Buckwild Crazy

(Cosmopolitan)

US actor Blake Lively performs in film 'The Shallows' = Silly plot with a loco shark vs nimble female surfer

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Coke debuts 'proud to be an American' cans

(CNN)

Coke debuts 'proud to be an American' cans = Come on, drink a cup, and race to be best! USA!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: jeffliebig

Rise of Donald Trump Tracks Growing Debate Over Global Fascism

(The New York Times)

Rise of Donald Trump Tracks Growing Debate Over Global Fascism = Daft simpleton crowds flock to aggressive red mogul barbarian!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Image: Crash Symbols

Tragically Hip: The most Canadian band in the world

(BBC)

Tragically Hip = Airplay glitch?

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: Mike Bouchard

Dr. Henry Heimlich, 96, performs lifesaving technique he invented for the FIRST TIME when a woman chokes on her hamburger in the seat beside him

(Daily Mail)

Doctor Heimlich actually gets to use his maneuver in reality = Aye, cult thrust integral, has live outcome. Nearly is homicide!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Donald Trump backs down on Bernie Sanders debate challenge after saying he'd "love to debate" Hillary Clinton's Democratic primary opponent

(New York Daily News)

Donald Trump calls off debate with Bernie Sanders = The candidates promised for full brawl, end absent.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Andrew Bisdale

Rare "Pizzly" Or "Grolar" Bear Shot And Killed By Hunter In Canada

(Huffington Post)

Rare "pizzly" or "grolar" bear shot and killed by hunter in Canada = An unearned horrible attack on grizzly-polar hybrid. Real sad.

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Donald Trump: Clinton Not 'Presidential' - Because He Doesn't Like Her Voice

(The Wall Street Journal)

Donald Trump: Clinton Not 'Presidential' - Because He Doesn't Like Her Voice = Clinton: "Bloke's one pathetic, insane, muddled, pretentious arch-evildoer!"

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: torbakhopper

And on the second day, God made the smiley face and the thumbs up: New translation of the Bible is written in EMOJI for millennials

(Daily Mail)

The King James Bible gets translated into Emoji = Here's 👿 (Satan) talking: "I'm ♨️ (testing) 😇 (Job)".
😫 (Job): "Let me 🔫 (die)!"

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Image: feryswheel

Johnny Depp hires top lawyer known as 'Disso Queen' to protect $400 million fortune

(The Daily Telegraph)

The Loyola graduate Laura Wasser = Adulterers' lawyer. Ah, a USA gal too!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: GabboT

Python Bites Man's Penis After Emerging From Toilet in Thailand Home

(KTLA5)

Python emerges from toilet and bites man's penis, Thailand officials say = It is fallacy in method, for he sat. Yes, if a man pees standing, it's no problem!

Anagram: Dharam

Thousands of Trump supporters line up outside Convention Center

(The San Diego Union-Tribune)

Thousands of Trump supporters line up outside Convention Center = Indoctrinated puppets of Trump's nonsense cult: One Virtuous Hero!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: PhoenixVegan

Donald Trump Clinches GOP Nomination

(National Public Radio)

Donald Trump Clinches GOP Nomination = Strong and much epic poll "Don-mination"!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

Obama Becomes First Sitting US President to Visit Hiroshima

(Time)

Obama becomes first sitting US President to visit Hiroshima = Top US visitor at grim atomic bomb site, he insists he's a friend

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Donald Trump Clinches Republican Nomination After Securing Required Delegates

(ABC News)

Donald Trump Clinches Republican Nomination After Securing Required Delegates = Final consequence: nightmares! A darned putrid, terrible, demonic lunatic, rules GOP

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: Cory Doctorow

The superbug that doctors have been dreading just reached the US

(Washington Post)

"Nightmare bacteria" = CRE a big main threat

Anagram: Rosie Perera, Photo: Wikimedia

Donald Trump Clinches GOP Nomination

(National Public Radio)

Donald Trump clinches GOP nomination = I'm hoping Clinton can stop rude old man

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Elizabeth Warren trashes Trump as a "small, insecure money-grubber"

(CBS News)

Elizabeth Warren trashes Trump as a "small, insecure money-grubber" = "Him? Surly magnate amasses rarer wealth. Corrupt Beelzebub sinner!"

Anagram: Maurice Goddard

Donald Trump Gives Gov. Susana Martinez a Poor Performance Review

(The New York Times)

Donald Trump Gives Gov. Susana Martinez a Poor Performance Review = Crazed saliva runs from avowed arrogant presumptive GOP nominee!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: LANL

Bill Cosby ordered to stand trial in decade-old sex assault case

(St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

Bill Cosby ordered to stand trial in decade-old sex assault case = It'll test sex-abuser's bad conscience, a real oily odd old dastard!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: Ted Eytan