Donald Trump's poll numbers are so bad his supporters are making up new ones

(Vox)

Donald Trump's poll numbers are so bad his supporters are making up new ones = Assume the opponent won. Blame press bias? Drill grand, sparked-up rumours? NO.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

"Says Who?" Thinking Is Ruining America

(Time)

Michael Cohen, the newly-situated lawyer and spokesperson for Donald Trump
=
"Trump and Pence are rusty - indeed, down in the race."
"Says who?"
"Polls. All of them."
"OK."

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Donald Trump's God Problem

(Newsweek)

Donald Trump's Christian faith = And is this crud half-important?

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Photo: Kristoffer Trolle

London Night Tube to serve 50,000 a weekend

(The New Zealand Herald)

Bundling onto the ~ London Night Tube

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Tom Page

Rio Olympics: Usain Bolt wins golden triple triple with Jamaican win in 4x100m

(Stuff.co.nz)

The Jamaican Usain Bolt wins the 'triple triple' ~ with ebullient sprint. Japan trails. Oh, ace time.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Photo: Yngve Roennike

Donald Trump's media obsession led him to hire the head of a far-right news site to run his campaign

(Los Angeles Times)

Embed from Getty Images

Donald Trump's media obsession led him to hire the head of a far-right news site to run his campaign = O! What??? Odious mad dog Trump hires his mirror image! Aide's the lethal fascist fiend, Stephen Bannon!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard

The Donald trying to win black votes

(Business Insider)

"You're living in poverty. Your schools are no good. Fifty-eight percent of your youth is unemployed. What the hell do you have to lose?" = Huh? Sorry evil guy nice try! Honestly, your empty offer is loopy. We love a GOOD idea - to push negativity culture on the hood? Eh? No, FOOL!

Anagram: Chris Davis
Photo: Johnny Silvercloud

Tarnished gold: US apologizes for swimmers' false robbery tale

(Bellingham Herald)

Controversial US athletes at the Olympics: Gunnar Bentz, Jack Conger, James Feigen, Ryan Lochte = Brazil cops just caught them lying. Larceny's not a joke here, contravenes clear intent of Games

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Quiz: Who Said It, Donald Trump Or Forrest Gump?

(Huffington Post)

"Hello, my name is Forrest, Forrest Gump" = Mr Trump's a goofy shlemiel, errs often

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Eric Bru

The Cracked Integrity of Donald Trump

(The New Yorker)

The Cracked Integrity of Donald Trump = In theory, fat prick couldn't get madder?

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Photo: Fibonacci Blue

Trump's 3,500 lawsuits unprecedented for a presidential nominee

(USA Today)

He is CEO, Trump = Prosecute him!

Anagram: Chris Sturdy
Photo: Fibonacci Blue

Olympics: Who are the winners & losers at Rio 2016?

(CNN)

The Most Outstanding Performances at the Rio de Janeiro Olympic Games 1. Michael Phelps 2. Usain Bolt 3. Simone Biles 4. Katie Ledecky 5. Simone Manuel 6. Ashton Eaton 7. Andy Murray 8. Kohei Uchimura 9. Elaine Thompson 10. Fiji 11. Joseph Schooling 12. Thiago Braz da Silva 13. Rafaela Silva 14. Argentina 15. Patrick Hickey 16. Ryan Steven Lochte 17. Team USA

=

1. He is a machine 2. He is a very famous Jamaican track sprinter 3. Gymnast 4. Pool (niche: freestyle) 5. A pool rookie 6. "I'm in the decathlon" 7. Tennis 8. A gymnast 9. Jamaican sprinter 10. Sevens^11. Butterfly 12. A Brazilian pole vaulter - meant he is agile 13. Judo 14. Hockey 15. Ignominious ticket scalping 16. He lied about a holdup. A shame, OK? 17. Most medals - hoorah!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Photo: US Army

Trump Regret Marks New Phase of Campaign

(Bloomberg)

"Sometimes, in the heat of debate and speaking on a multitude of issues, you don't choose the right words or you say the wrong thing. I have done that, and I regret it, particularly where it may have caused personal pain. Too much is at stake for us to be consumed with these issues."
=
Wow. This assessment is authentic...so that suggestion...it is a success. I am touched. You are changing. You abandoned your offensive, hothead mistakes. I see it; I had enough, too. Now, I'll believe that you said the truth when you don't read that from prepared teleprompter remarks.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Photo: torbakhopper

This Man Is the Most Dangerous Political Operative in America

(Bloomberg)

Steve Bannon. This Man Is the Most Dangerous Political Operative in America = Oh! No! A diabolic rat's involvement on Trump's nastiest hate campaign is eerie!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Photo: Don Irvine

Penis crushes pole vaulter's Olympic dream

(New York Post)

Pow! Right in the penis

Penis crushes pole vaulter's Olympic dream = Super-massive manhood; peter clips cruelly

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Trump Taunts the Clintons: I'm Glad Monica Kept the Blue Dress

Trump Taunts the Clintons: I'm Glad Monica Kept the Blue Dress = Trump must be stinkard to call up the semen-stained clothing!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Donald Trump's top spokeswoman, Katrina Pierson, is saying some very strange things

(Washington Post)

Donald Trump's spokeswoman Katrina Pierson = Most remarks sound plain...appears I don't know!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Image: Micah Stone

Eatery selling "Black Olives Matter" shirts

(MSN)

Paisano's Eatery selling "Black Olives Matter" shirts = Hot samples sell. Is it brainless? Tacky? Or vegetarian?

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

'Black Olives Matter' shirts = Bistro vests a killer match

Anagram: Robert Jordan

Trump Urges Supporters To Police The Polls On Election Day

(Daily Caller)

Trump Urges Supporters To Police The Polls On Election Day = I suspect uncontrolled people got to purposely arrest *him*!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Illustration: DonkeyHotey

It's damn-near impossible to make sense of Donald Trump's many mixed messages these days

(Washington Post)

It's damn-near impossible to make sense of Donald Trump's many mixed messages these days = A madman! Extreme's noisiest named ass spits loads of immensely gross empty-headed bunk!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: thetortmaster