GOP headquarters in NC town is firebombed

(MSN)

'Nazi Republicans get out or else' = Cretinous alien group set blaze

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Illustration: alexandertolley1954

Trump belittles accusers as unattractive, as more come forward

(Washington Post)

Trump belittles accusers as unattractive, as more come forward=If matters ever contradict me, scream about a corrupt, lawless US!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Photo: Steve Baker

Batman chases 'killer clowns'

(The Daily Telegraph)

Batman chases 'killer clowns' = Clear? Let's banish clown mask!

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Photo: bhautikjoshi

Solar Panels Grown on the Moon Could Power the Earth

(Popular Science)

Solar panels grown on the moon could power the earth = Lunar photons, please go enhance the world tomorrow = Now to roll other scheme - lunar-grade photon weapons!

Anagram: Chris Davis

Hundreds of snakes take over Sarasota road near Celery Fields

(WWSB)

Hundreds of snakes take over Sarasota road near Celery Fields = To fear of any reason dark slitherers skedaddle across avenue!

Anagram: Chris Davis

Wonder Woman Named UN Ambassador

(MSN)

Wonder Woman Named UN Ambassador = A redrawn bosomed madam was no nun

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Photo: jooleeah_stahkey

Man performs Beethoven using Glocks

(The Independent)

Man performs Beethoven using Glocks = Feeble music song prank moves throng

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Deep space travel could damage astronauts' brains

(Popular Science)

Deep space travel could damage astronauts' brains = Dear NASA, active ground data speculates problems

Anagram: Chris Davis
Art: Herbalizer

Hacked WikiLeaks emails show concerns about Clinton candidacy, email server

(Washington Post)

Hacked WikiLeaks emails show concerns about Clinton candidacy, email server = Inside source can't allow candidacy kick-back so she wins. The moral? Never Email.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Photo: PAN Photo

Old batteries are recycled into fertilizer to help grow corn

(Science Channel)

Old batteries are recycled into fertilizer to help grow corn = I cried, "Electrons grow their bizarre electrolyte plant food?"

Anagram: Chris Davis

Trump vs. GOP: Turn out the lights, the Republican Party is over

(Bayoubuzz)

Trump versus the GOP = Trump gets push. Over!

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Photo: Avaaz

Trump gets date of election wrong

(Seattle Times)

Trump gets date of election wrong = Team trudging to lose now? Perfect. = Frustrating to complete edge now! = Tug on left Democrats: get in power!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Photo: Mike Licht

Samsung scraps Galaxy Note 7 over fire concerns

(Reuters)

Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phone device = Giant snag - "Seven" may explode. Ouch!

Anagram: Jason Lofts

The Samsung Galaxy Note Seven fires = Ugh! lax event sees no safety margins

Anagram: Chris Davis

The Samsung Galaxy Note Seven = Have unsexy snag as get molten

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Photo: Mike Mozart

Saturn's Moon Dione Probably Has a Buried Ocean, Too

(Space.com)

Saturn's Moon Dione Probably Has a Buried Ocean, Too = Ooh! probe monitored a body; contains a sub-lunar sea

Anagram: Chris Davis
Image: Kevin Gill

Was fly sending message when it landed on Hillary Clinton's face?

(CBS News)

Was fly sending message when it landed on Hillary Clinton's face? = Yes, a flying insect signals the woman's decline and her downfall.

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Melania Trump's "Pussy Bow" Blouse Sure Made A Statement

(New York Magazine)

Melania's "pussy bow" blouse = Yes, bosom was unplausible

Anagram: Jason Lofts

The United States and Russia are prepping for doomsday

(Foreign Policy)

The relations between Washington and Moscow = Ah, cat with rodent! Enemies gonna set blows now.

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas
Photo: Alan Cleaver

SNN: Former USO singer shares her experiences

(SNN TV)

A Sarasota woman told us all about her experiences as a USO singer during World War II = Our broadcast examines, star. Her grin said, "Was a pleasure, well I would soon tour again."

Anagram: Chris Davis

Trump brags on tape about fame and groping women: 'You can do anything'

(The Guardian)

"I've gotta use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her" -Donald Trump = Told orange scum out eating 'jackass vitamins' "This is utter disrespect"

Anagram: Chris Davis

Why Donald Trump tweets late at night (and very early in the morning)

(Washington Post)

Why Donald Trump tweets late at night (and very early in the morning) = Twitter: A highly dependent mental drug on an earthly worm's vanity!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard