Ghost Pepper Puree Hospitalizes Man With Esophageal Tearing

(Huffington Post)

Spontaneous esophageal rupture = O, sore! Ate an unusual ghost pepper

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Microsoft hits a speech recognition milestone with a system just as good as human ears

(TechCrunch)

Microsoft hits a speech recognition milestone with a system just as good as human ears = So, most at Yahoo hear computer science linguist majors wished of this instant message!

Anagram: Chris Davis
Image: DoctorButtsMD

President Obama Tells Donald Trump To "Stop Whining" About Mythical Voter Fraud

(Huffington Post)

President Obama Tells Donald Trump To 'Stop Whining' About Mythical Voter Fraud = Can't win a vote for a ballot? Path to President sliding? That's *your* problem, dumdum!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Bob Dylan wins Nobel Prize for Literature

(BBC)

Bob Dylan wins the Nobel Prize for Literature = One bizarre, wan poet. Fluent Robby is thrilled.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Photo: Television Streaming

Evangelical Support for Trump Was Preordained

(Bloomberg)

Donald Trump is preordained as the next ~ US president tho Mr "No Tax" raped and lied

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Photo: Steve Baker

Donald Trump Challenges Hillary Clinton To Take A Drug Test

(Real Clear Politics)

Donald Trump Challenges Hillary Clinton To Take A Drug Test = A mental toddler plants drug. Let's talk truly high on cocaine!

Anagram: Chris Davis
Image: Mike Licht

GOP headquarters in NC town is firebombed

(MSN)

'Nazi Republicans get out or else' = Cretinous alien group set blaze

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Illustration: alexandertolley1954

Trump belittles accusers as unattractive, as more come forward

(Washington Post)

Trump belittles accusers as unattractive, as more come forward=If matters ever contradict me, scream about a corrupt, lawless US!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Photo: Steve Baker

Batman chases 'killer clowns'

(The Daily Telegraph)

Batman chases 'killer clowns' = Clear? Let's banish clown mask!

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Photo: bhautikjoshi

Solar Panels Grown on the Moon Could Power the Earth

(Popular Science)

Solar panels grown on the moon could power the earth = Lunar photons, please go enhance the world tomorrow = Now to roll other scheme - lunar-grade photon weapons!

Anagram: Chris Davis

Hundreds of snakes take over Sarasota road near Celery Fields

(WWSB)

Hundreds of snakes take over Sarasota road near Celery Fields = To fear of any reason dark slitherers skedaddle across avenue!

Anagram: Chris Davis

Wonder Woman Named UN Ambassador

(MSN)

Wonder Woman Named UN Ambassador = A redrawn bosomed madam was no nun

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Photo: jooleeah_stahkey

Man performs Beethoven using Glocks

(The Independent)

Man performs Beethoven using Glocks = Feeble music song prank moves throng

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Deep space travel could damage astronauts' brains

(Popular Science)

Deep space travel could damage astronauts' brains = Dear NASA, active ground data speculates problems

Anagram: Chris Davis
Art: Herbalizer

Hacked WikiLeaks emails show concerns about Clinton candidacy, email server

(Washington Post)

Hacked WikiLeaks emails show concerns about Clinton candidacy, email server = Inside source can't allow candidacy kick-back so she wins. The moral? Never Email.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Photo: PAN Photo

Old batteries are recycled into fertilizer to help grow corn

(Science Channel)

Old batteries are recycled into fertilizer to help grow corn = I cried, "Electrons grow their bizarre electrolyte plant food?"

Anagram: Chris Davis

Trump vs. GOP: Turn out the lights, the Republican Party is over

(Bayoubuzz)

Trump versus the GOP = Trump gets push. Over!

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Photo: Avaaz

Trump gets date of election wrong

(Seattle Times)

Trump gets date of election wrong = Team trudging to lose now? Perfect. = Frustrating to complete edge now! = Tug on left Democrats: get in power!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow
Photo: Mike Licht

Samsung scraps Galaxy Note 7 over fire concerns

(Reuters)

Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phone device = Giant snag - "Seven" may explode. Ouch!

Anagram: Jason Lofts

The Samsung Galaxy Note Seven fires = Ugh! lax event sees no safety margins

Anagram: Chris Davis

The Samsung Galaxy Note Seven = Have unsexy snag as get molten

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Photo: Mike Mozart

Saturn's Moon Dione Probably Has a Buried Ocean, Too

(Space.com)

Saturn's Moon Dione Probably Has a Buried Ocean, Too = Ooh! probe monitored a body; contains a sub-lunar sea

Anagram: Chris Davis
Image: Kevin Gill