Donald Trump Has a 0% Chance of Winning the Election, According to U of I Computer Scientists

(ChicagoInno)

Result's a romp = Trump's a loser!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Mike Licht

Removal of Sir Philip Green's knighthood is far from certain, say experts

(The Guardian)

Businessman, 'Sir' Philip Green faces the Honours Forfeiture Committee = Secure enormous humiliation here, in effect for me asset stripping BHS

Anagram: Chris Sturdy
Photo: Financial Times

Trump's attitude is not 'unprecedented.' Nixon was a sore loser, too

(Washington Post)

Trump's attitude is not 'unprecedented.' Nixon was a sore loser, too = True axiom to note: Toupee-preened narcissist nut Donald's worst!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Photo: Eva Rinaldi

@ChiPhotoGuy turns our world upside down with this aerial shot of Chicago

(Colossal)

@ChiPhotoGuy turns our world upside down with this aerial shot of Chicago = Curious wild outdoor shore photograph facing sunlit city with shadow, eh?

Anagram: Christopher Davis
Photo: Nick Ulivieri

Tiger Woods Doesn't Regret Cheating on Ex-Wife Elin Nordegren

(Yahoo!)

Tiger Woods Doesn't Regret Cheating on Ex-Wife Elin Nordegren = Sex with new, energetic ladies often good! No regret or end (grin)!

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas
Photo: Omar Rawlings

Donald Trump's chances of winning are approaching zero

(Washington Post)

Donald Trump's chances of winning are approaching zero = A near-dazed, self-worshipping, crap-manic con, hung on rot

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Photo: torbakhopper

Undiscovered 'Planet Nine' May Be Cause of Tilt of Our Solar System

(SpaceWatchTower)

Undiscovered 'Planet Nine' May Be Cause of Tilt of Our Solar System = It's Proof: To focus camera or suddenly see many alien-built events

Anagram: Christopher Davis
Photo: Kevin Gill

Donald Trump's collapse was caused by one big factor: Hillary Clinton

(Salon)

Donald Trump's collapse was caused by one big factor: Hillary Clinton = Maniac's cloudburst fall is really the bloated crappy con's own doing!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Photo: Russ Allison Loar

Trump's Gettysburg Address, Believe Me

(Huffington Post)

Trump reveals the truth in his Gettysburg address = "Grab a tight, svelte pussy, then thrust!" sir demurred

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: H. Michael Karshis

Cop who oversees red light cameras ends up ticketing himself

(WWSB)

Cop who oversees red light cameras ends up ticketing himself = From checking speed times violation, he shrugs, respected law.

Anagram: Christopher Davis
Photo: West Midlands Police

Emu lassoed on Arizona highway

(CNN)

Emu lassoed on Arizona highway = Zany agenda, somehow hilarious. = Aimless wandering. Zoo, you! Ha ha!

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Photo: Mertie

Rudy Giuliani is a humorless, 'nasty' man

(Washington Post)

Rudy Giuliani is a humorless, 'nasty' man = Dirty grisly human animal is nauseous!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Clinton: We know 'the difference between leadership and dictatorship'

(CNN)

Clinton: We know 'the difference between leadership and dictatorship' = Beware! Ditch her Hitler-like decadent new-fascist opponent fiend now!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Playboy Model Katie May's Death Caused by Chiropractor, Autopsy Shows

(Huffington Post)

Chiropractor caused Playboy model Katie May's Death = Autopsy had artery tear?! Somebody check Cali diploma!

Anagram: Dharam

Nobody for President: The Americans campaigning for 'none of the above'

(BBC)

Nobody for President = O entropy's forbidden.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Photo: micadew

Bella Thorne Makes 'Playboy' Debut

(Yahoo!)

Bella Thorne = Hell, not bare?

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas
Image: WhoSaysYourNotPerfect?

Ghost Pepper Puree Hospitalizes Man With Esophageal Tearing

(Huffington Post)

Spontaneous esophageal rupture = O, sore! Ate an unusual ghost pepper

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Microsoft hits a speech recognition milestone with a system just as good as human ears

(TechCrunch)

Microsoft hits a speech recognition milestone with a system just as good as human ears = So, most at Yahoo hear computer science linguist majors wished of this instant message!

Anagram: Chris Davis
Image: DoctorButtsMD

President Obama Tells Donald Trump To "Stop Whining" About Mythical Voter Fraud

(Huffington Post)

President Obama Tells Donald Trump To 'Stop Whining' About Mythical Voter Fraud = Can't win a vote for a ballot? Path to President sliding? That's *your* problem, dumdum!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Bob Dylan wins Nobel Prize for Literature

(BBC)

Bob Dylan wins the Nobel Prize for Literature = One bizarre, wan poet. Fluent Robby is thrilled.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Photo: Television Streaming