Texas police mistake rap video shoot for armed robbery in progress

(UPI)

Texas police mistake a rap video shoot for armed robbery in progress = Story: Barrage of boomed expletives in raid is more a shock to rappers!

Anagram: Dharam

Andrea Angel Bocelli excluded from inauguration

(Rolling Stone)

Andrea Angel bocelli excluded from inauguration = Include congenial balladeer, outfoxing marauder!

Anagram: Ulysses Proteau

Seriously ill Manson 'innocent' claim fans

(The New Zealand Herald)

The American cult leader Mister Charles Manson is not a ~ stoic innocent. Maniac alert! He's a lethal mass murderer!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Osama Bin Laden's Son Hamza Added To US Terror Blacklist

(National Public Radio)

Osama Bin Laden's Son Hamza Added To US Terror Blacklist = Our able men soon attack small hazard or bad dissidents

Anagram: Christopher Davis
Image: Chris Beckett

Don't "diagnose" Donald Trump, it's not helpful

(The Guardian)

I deduce Mr Trump has to resist ~ the autism spectrum disorder

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Michell Lee

Auto sales strong as industry nears record

(USA Today)

Auto sales strong as industry nears record ≠ Our cars are in urgent loss and stress today!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Russia penetrated Vermont utility company computer

(USA Today)

US computers hacked by the Russians = Trump, he's caustic, "Absurd hokeyness!"

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Janet Jackson announces birth of first child -- a baby boy -- at age of 50

(The Daily Telegraph)

Eissa Al Mana = Alias as name

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: J Vettorino

Reina: site of Istanbul attack, a nightclub renowned for famous guests

(The Guardian)

The popular Reina nightclub in Istanbul on New Year's Eve = An evil robust butcher seen annihilating unwary people

Anagram: Julian Lofts

George Michael dies on Christmas

(The New York Times)

George Michael dies on Christmas = Mega glee choir intros sad chimes

Anagram: Ulysses Proteau
Image: Hans Põldoja

New Year Honours 2017: Olympic heroes and entertainers recognised

(BBC)

The New Year Honours List = "What?! Oh surely not!" I sneer.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Marianne Bevis

William Christopher, Father Mulcahy on 'M*A*S*H,' Dies at 84

(The Hollywood Reporter)

The actor William Christopher (played Reverend Francis Mulcahy) has died last year at 84 = I fondly recall the very timid sane Catholic M*A*S*H padre. He truly cared. He was a star. RIP.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: lylejk

"Happy New Year, losers!" Trump ends 2016 by mocking his "many enemies"

(The Daily Express)

A New Year's message on Twitter: "Happy New Year to all, including to my many enemies and those who have fought me and lost so badly they just don't know what to do. Love!" = A molester wins, yet Donald J. Trump's a nasty, sweaty, testy, orange, fat, loud-mouthed, highly envenomed sociopath, who doesn't know how to behave in a gentlemanly way.

Anagram: Julian Lofts

'Queen not dead', says Buckingham Palace

(The New Zealand Herald)

The Queen of England is not dead yet = "God defend the Queen" notes a litany

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: m0gky

Burt Ward: The original Robin the Boy Wonder

(The Daily Express)

The original Robin the Boy Wonder = Holy hairdo^* retention (or webbing)
^*‘Holy Hairdo’ #83 on a list of exclamations by Robin

Anagram: Robert Jordan
Image: Tom Simpson

Obituary: Debbie Reynolds, a wholesome Hollywood icon

(BBC)

"Bye, blonde star" he cried to ~ the actor Debbie Reynolds

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: WehoCity

Netanyahu 'told New Zealand backing UN vote would be declaration of war'

(The Guardian)

Israel's Netanyahu 'told New Zealand backing United Nations vote would be declaration of war' = What a crazy attack on sane land! An obstinate vigilante wounded our wonderful, noble isle. Die!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Serena Williams engaged to Reddit co-founder

(BBC)

That Wimbledon champion Serena Williams is engaged to the founder of Reddit and white guy Alexis Ohanian = Uh oh! As in epic sex with giant woman will irrefutably damage man's didgeridoo! He needs to find a nonathlete.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: USV, Beth Wilson

Man Found Impaled On Railings On Christmas Day In Peterborough

(Huffington Post)

Man found impaled on railings on Christmas Day in Peterborough = God, shut up! Beat nailed on a cross one Friday morning in April, hmm?

Anagram: Robert Jordan
Image: Magnus Hagdorn

Carrie Fisher dead: Princess Leia actor dies aged 60

(The Independent)

The actor Carrie Fisher (she was Princess Leia of Alderaan) has died = Artist had a special role - a fanfare is considered as we cherish her

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Art: Daniel Arrhakis