What the French Elections Say About Their Colonial History

(Newsweek)

The elections in France are ~ a sane ethnocentric relief

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Mutualité Française

These states are celebrating Confederate Memorial Day on Monday

(CNN)

Some states still observe Confederate Memorial Day = Memo: Racist, obsolete; most slaves free. End it already!

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Image: Susan Melkisethian

Julian Assange's arrest a 'priority': Jeff Sessions

(Al Jazeera)

US - "Arrest Assange!" = USA asserts anger

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Jeanne Menjoulet

Girl shot in head leaves hospital: "I am tougher than a bullet"

(CBS News)

"I am tougher than a bullet" = Halt, I'm tough - untearable!

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas

Sean Spicer, Trump's press secretary, is loud, brash and pugnacious. Period

(WorldNews)

The most pugnacious press secretary in the White House ~ is Sean Spicer. Who trusts a pretty heinous emcee, though?

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Thomas Cizauskas

100 days of failure for Trump?

(CNN)

Donald Trump's First One Hundred Days = Dirty Don shreds fundamentals. Proud?

Anagram: Erin Neathery
Image: Matthew Roth

Jason Chaffetz and Devin Nunes both faced investigating Trump. Now both are stepping aside.

(Washington Post)

What proof is Jason Chaffetz hiding? = Oh! Jaw of citizens, hands of graft. Hip?

Anagram: Erin Neathery
Image: Ted Eytan

3 Paris officers shot, 1 killed, in Champs-Elysees attack

(WWLP-22News)

Police officers shot on Champs-Elysees in Paris = ISIS male fires on French cops. I.e. he slays top cop.

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas
Image: Gongashan

Gibraltar Brexit row: What is the dispute about?

(BBC)

An official dispute exists, involves the Iberian peninsula of Gibraltar. It's most odd, isn't it ~ as land belongs to Spain. It survived centuries of British domination. If apes exit it, it falls.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: whereisemil

A Portland Teen's Pet Snake Got Stuck in Her Earlobe

(Atlas Obscura)

A Portland Teen's Pet Snake Got Stuck in Her Earlobe = Oh! Taken aback, patient ER personnel do get results.

Anagram: Dharam

Should we tell Jeff Sessions where Pearl Harbor is?

(The Times-Picayune)

Attorney General Sessions' "Judge sitting on an island in the Pacific" comment = Is so ignorant! He fails at judgement and consistency. Time to resign. Nice plan!

Anagram: Christopher Davis
Image: DonkeyHotey

Host Bill O'Reilly fired from Fox News

(The New Zealand Herald)

Fox News has fired famed host O'Reilly = Heard of him? A wily sex offender's lost

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: DonkeyHotey

Serena Williams reveals she is 20 weeks pregnant with first child

(The Daily Telegraph)

Serena Williams says "I am pregnant!" = News: Tennis player's a mama. Is a girl?

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Robert Ball

April the giraffe finally gives birth in front of 1.2 million online fans

(Stuff.co.nz)

At long last April the giraffe has given birth to a male calf online in New York = Every halfwit's hellbent on looking at that African animal's life. Groan! Gripe!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Violet Brown is oldest human

(UPI)

Violet Brown is oldest human = She's not built normal, I vowed

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Trump signs "Buy American, Hire American" order

(CNN)

Donald Trump signs "Buy American, Hire American" order = Random gremlin, "But sir, your red caps are made in China!"

Anagram: Dharam
Image: Lorie Shaull

North Korea surprises with display of new missiles

(CNN)

That notorious insane Hermit Kingdom of ~ North Korea summons inane idiot to fight

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Matt Brown

Trump and North Korea: Climbing the escalation ladder

(Yahoo!)

Trump and North Korea = Dark pattern, no humor

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas
Image: Daniel Arrhakis

North Korea "on the brink of war" with the US?

(CBS News)

A hefty brew in North Korea = They are on the brink of war

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Ninian Reid

Trump reverses course on several campaign positions

(New York Post)

Versus preterm ~ Trump reverses

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Matt Brown