(The Daily Telegraph)
The drug cheat Justin Gatlin has beaten the favourite Usain Bolt in the London World champs = That USA chap battled booing, ran an eventful race on helium, just hit his stride, then won gold.
(The Daily Express)
Government minister urges British holidaymakers to choose Blackpool over Benidorm = Oh, illuminations, pier, mmm seaside rock, beach donkeys v. obverse, globe trotting horror?
(Huffington Post)
A Mexican lawyer markets white Trump-branded toilet paper = Dare Mr T to expel crap, wipe arse with marketable mundanity = Mad retort: expel crap, wipe arse with marketable mundanity