YouTube star Logan Paul apologises for film of man's body in Japan

(The Guardian)

YouTuber star Logan Paul apologises for his inhumane tweet = Um, I hate when you go to stare in forest. Appalling soul abuser!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: joeeckroth

US President Donald Trump begins 2018 with angry tweets aimed at Pakistan and Iran

(News.com.au)

US President Trump's tweets = Twit's trumped-up terseness

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Image: Sasha Kimel

UFO spotted? Mysterious fiery object seen flying above UK on New Year's Eve

(The Daily Express)

UFO spotted? = Tut, spoofed!

Anagram: Robert Jordan

Sub-zero temperatures turned Niagara Falls into an icy winter wonderland

(USA Today)

Niagara Falls has turned to ice this winter = It's an unreal or fantastical sight. Weird, eh?

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: John Piercy

Rabbi calls Lorde a bigot in full-page Washington Post ad

(The Times of Israel)

Hehe, a burly bombastic ~ Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Constanza.CH

Ringo Starr Will Be Knighted in 2018

(Pitchfork)

O, Richard Starkey, the Beatles' "Ringo ~ Starr" is knighted. Celebrate. Hooray!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Rob DiCaterino

When Britain worked for free: How the I'm Backing Britain campaign descended into farce

(The Daily Express)

I offer their reward be known ~ when Britain worked for free

Anagram: Robert Jordan
Image: Sludge G

Five ways Stephen Hawking has predicted the end of the world

(The Daily Mirror)

Five ways that the theoretical physicist, cosmologist and researcher Mister Stephen Hawking has predicted that the world may end, unfortunately 1. Robots 2. Overpopulation 3. Fireball 4. Nuclear warfare 5. President Donald Trump

=

Prevent: 1. Shrewd AI 2. Far too many wretched bloody people 3. Climate worsens - the Earth will heat up 4. Dastardly uncompromising belligerents North Korea, Russia, China rift, threaten universe 5. That fat, addled, psychotic fart POTUS

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Karen Portin

White "Nigerian Prince" Email Scammer Arrested in Louisiana

(The Root)

"Nigerian Prince" email scammer arrested in Louisiana = An American male aiding serious criminal enterprise

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Image: Bryan Rosengrant

Cardboard tents distributed to Brussels homeless

(BBC)

These cardboard tents are donated to homeless in Brussels = Made all the terse hoboes resent sodden cartons. It's absurd.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: loljon981

Nikki Haley seemingly tricked by Russian pranksters into commenting on fictional country 'Binomo'

(The Independent)

This deceptive 'Binomo' caper annoys the female ~ American envoy. Inept dope botches it. Flee sham.

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Chinese mall unveils #TrumpDog statue to celebrate Lunar New Year

(The Guardian)
Embed from Getty Images

Re: The Chinese New Year TrumpDog = "We're tough archenemy, President."

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Here's where special counsel Robert Mueller's Russia probe stands heading into 2018

(CNBC)

Here's where Mueller's Russia probe stands heading into 2018 from CNBC.

The special counsel Robert Swan Mueller = None will cheer Trump's electoral abuses

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Towering Penis Painting In New York Made People Uncomfortable, So It's Gone

(The International Business Times)

Lower East Side giant penis mural = Prudes resist male genitalia, won

Anagram: Jason Lofts

'MORTAL SIN for many' Finnish MP says EU still can't believe UK voted to leave its UTOPIA

(The Daily Express)

A 'MORTAL SIN for many' = Story on 'Animal Farm'

Anagram: Robert Jordan

Israel plans a Trump rail station as Trump-naming frenzy sweeps country

(CNN)

Trump rail station ~ is ultra important

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Image: Mike Maguire

Dennis the Menace gets "PC makeover" with name change and soft personality

(The Daily Express)

Dennis the Menace gets PC makeover = Comic kept Gnasher, made seventeen!

Anagram: Robert Jordan
Image: H is for Home

FBI "taint"

(ABC News)

FBI "taint" ~ 't ain't FBI!

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: JDSG

America is great again, says Donald Trump

(The Times)

"America is great again," says Donald Trump = Mad pig : "Yes, USA AAA credit rating's normal"

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Image: IoSonoUnaFotoCamera

'Boys don't wear dresses' - Lewis Hamilton under fire for remark to nephew

(Newshub)

Let us boo at Lewis Hamilton, the macho F1 champion = Hmm, 1 tacit homophobe. Oh, we call out infantile ass.

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Steve