The 10 most important issues from 80 years of Superman!

(The Guardian)

Superman is eighty years old = Yes, is so legendary, a triumph!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Shaun Wong

Taxpayers Can Get an Extension Because the IRS Payment Site Crashed on Tax Day

(Time)

The IRS payment site crashed on Tax Day = They act rash, imparted day's extension.

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Image: PROStock Catalog

The 11 most eye-opening lines in James Comey's 'A Higher Loyalty,' ranked

(CNN)

Comey: "This President is unethical, and untethered to truth and institutional values. His leadership is transactional, ego driven and about personal loyalty."
=
Ha, this illustrates that he's one thoroughly nasty, rotten, unpleasant, petty, and vicious individual, a disastrous, incompetent leader, and one incredible liar!

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Image: Christopher Cook

This trans model wants to make history by becoming a Victoria's Secret Angel

(Yahoo!)

A transgender Leyna Bloom = Note: gal been lad (sorry, man)

Anagram: Pinchas Aronas

Man Left with Excruciating Headaches After Eating Carolina Reaper in Pepper-Eating Competition

(Oddity Central)

The Carolina Reaper chilli's 'dangerously hot' = Error! Ill in agony, cluster headache. Hospital!

Anagram: Chris Sturdy
Image: TheChili.Life

Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship to Be 1st Event of Its Kind in USA Since 1889

(RT)

Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship = Big goal: Skip far, punch him in the neck!

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Image: Keith vaughton

Five-storey blue penis causes uproar among Stockholm residents

(The Guardian)

This huge five-storey blue penis mural in Stockholm is so crude = Ugh, I see most brutish voyeurs like uncensored phallic motifs.

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Why the Stormy Daniels-Donald Trump story matters

(BBC)

Adult film actress and stripper Stormy Daniels = Pleasant lady, Donald Trump's 'terrific' mistress

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Image: Lorie Shaull

"Witch hunts" explained, from Salem to Donald Trump

(Vox)

Donald Trump. Michael Cohen. "Witch Hunts" = Wanton rich men humped doll. Hush. TicTac?

Anagram: Erin Neathery
Image: Loco Steve

Justice Department seizes classified ads website Backpage.com

(CNN)

Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act = Final fortress, Backpage's extinct!

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Image: Senator McCaskill

Spanish 'Mowgli' man, 72, who was raised by wolves in a cave for 12 years wishes he could return to the mountains after a hard life filled with disappointment among humans

(Daily Mail)

Mowgli of Spain = Wolf amigo nips

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Trump called Mexicans rapists again

(CNN)

Trump called Mexicans rapists again = Adamant, puling pres. racist sex claim

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: torbakhopper

Ted Nugent says Parkland students "have no soul," calls them "mushy-brained children"

(Washington Post)

Musician Ted Nugent = A gun nut - it's endemic!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Mike Licht

Steve Smith: From the golden boy to the fallen hero

(Sydney Morning Herald)

Captain Steve Smith = MVP is a cheat in test

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: davidmolloyphotography.com

New Zealand's claim it has no Russian spies is perplexing. Why is it isolating itself?

(The Guardian)

Are there no Russian spies in New Zealand? = An answer - ha, I realized it's pure nonsense!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: John Shortland

Fired waiter says I'm not rude, I'm just French

(New York Post)

Those French waiters can be so rude ~ but the chefs and cronies are worse

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: zoetnet

White House announces policy to ban most transgender people from serving in military

(CNN)

White House announces policy to ban most transgender people from serving in military = Persons with male/female dysphoria (not in recovery) cannot point guns? Must be religion!

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Image: Marines

Craigslist shuts down its personals section

(CNN)

Craigslist shuts down its personals section = No crass persons soliciting dates with sluts!

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Image: Chika Watanabe

Northern Lights forecast: New aurora Steve discovered above Scotland

(The Daily Express)

Strong Thermal Emission Velocity Enhancement = Oh no! Men call me this interesting acronym, STEVE

Anagram: Chris Sturdy
Image: Krista Trinder/NASA

Holocaust denier wins Illinois GOP congressional primary

(The Week)

Holocaust denier = He is a no-cure dolt.

Anagram: Pinchas Aronas
Image: Paul Weaver