Thomas Tuchel: New Chelsea boss known as control freak, power player & visionary

(BBC)
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Chelsea must sack a legend in a move for a trophy
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Eye Thomas Tuchel as novice Frank Lampard goes

Anagram: Chris Sturdy

Ohio-based Gorilla Glue responds to viral saga of woman who used adhesive spray on her hair

(Fox8)

Ohio-based Gorilla Glue responds to viral saga of woman who used adhesive spray on her hair
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Horrendous, even hopeless! Damages? Poor foolish bird! I'd shave all away! Hair grows out again!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard

Mars Mission From the U.A.E. Begins Orbit of Red Planet

(The New York Times)
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Mars Mission From the UAE Begins Orbit of Red Planet
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Ooh, immense, uttermost "Arab Spring-Board" flies fine!

Anagram: Steve Allison

Georgia opens investigation into Trump effort to overturn election results

(The Guardian)

Georgia opens investigation into Trump effort to overturn election results
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Former egotist POTUS: Repugnant gent is one evil traitor-rotten vicious felon.

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: Mike Finn

Trump won’t testify at his second impeachment trial

(Politico)

Trump won't testify in his impeachment trial
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A firm punishment! It's contempt with reality.

Anagram: Dharam Khalsa
Image: Alan Grinberg

"The power under the Constitution will always be in the people" - George Washington

"The power under the Constitution will always be in the people" - George Washington
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We weep! Last POTUS in power, the leeching, ignoble, low heinous tyrant, ignored that!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: Ryan Scott

Veteran journalist Craig Unger on his latest book “American Kompromat”

(WMNF)

Veteran journalist Craig Unger on his latest book “American Kompromat”
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CIA shocker - is Trump a rotten amoral KGB agent or just a vile inane moron?

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Marcos Gasparutti

Wyoming GOP Censures Liz Cheney For Voting To Impeach Trump

(National Public Radio)
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Wyoming GOP Censures Liz Cheney For Voting To Impeach Trump
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My! Then crown feminine ethic courage v GOP's split grumpy zoo!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard

Rescuers search for 125 missing after glacier burst in Indian Himalayas, many believed trapped in tunnel

(Yahoo!)
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Glacier burst in Indian Himalayas
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My, a disturbing chill in Asian area!

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas

Schumer's office says it will accommodate Trump attorney request to delay impeachment trial during Sabbath

(CNN)

Schumer's office says it will accommodate Trump attorney request to delay impeachment trial during Sabbath
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I'm sure, queasy hefty arse, madman Trump, accused for inciting a mob to wildly storm the Capitol, celebrates that!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: Victoria Pickering

Tennessee man shot, killed after YouTube video 'prank' goes wrong

(NBC News)

Tennessee man shot, killed after YouTube video 'prank' goes wrong
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Knives out; a gun drawn. Be sad, for he's gone... Like nettlesome poetry...

Anagram: Steve Allison
Image: Stavos

Sasse inflames GOP with anti-Trump video

(Politico)

Sasse inflames GOP with anti-Trump video, deriding a brand of politics animated by "the weird worship of one dude".
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"Dear Leader" fad of Trumpism drives a horde of bitten wimps within GOP! Top idiot ass Hawley is one cunning baddie!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: Gage Skidmore

Heavy metals found in baby food

(Reuters)

Heavy metals found in baby food
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Oy! Bad to have bony duff in meals

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: Allen

Josh Hawley Blasts 'Lie' He Incited Riot As Missouri Newspaper Calls Him 'FrankenHawley'

(Newsweek)

Josh Hawley Blasts 'Lie' He Incited Riot As Missouri Newspaper Calls Him 'FrankenHawley'
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Fiery Trump ally is ill on air! Swine was senseless when a harsh mob hijacked the Capitol!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: AFGE

Trump pushed out of SAG union

(CNN)

Trump pushed out of SAG union
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group shun fat piteous mound

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: Thomas Hawk

The Downside to Life in a Supertall Tower: Leaks, Creaks, Breaks

(The New York Times)

The Down Side to Life in a Supertall Tower: Leaks, Creaks, Breaks
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"Shake, rattle, and roll - we dance to it" works... Lessees? I barf! I puke!

Anagram: Steve Allison
Image: Daniel Mennerich

Captain Sir Tom Moore has died, aged 100

(Leicester Mercury)
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Captain Sir Tom Moore has perished
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Oh, patriotic man impressed as hero

Anagram: Julian Lofts

'She is weighing us down': Georgia GOP cringes at Marjorie Taylor Greene spectacle

(Politico)

'She is weighing us down': Georgia GOP cringes at Marjorie Taylor Greene spectacle
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A grim unhinged gawping gal goes & ejects worst, eerie conspiracy theories galore!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: DonkeyHotey

Trump’s actions described as ‘a betrayal of historic proportions’ in trial brief filed by House impeachment managers

(Washington Post)

The Inaugural Presidential Oath Of Office: "I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States. So help me God"
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Impeached for 'Incitement of Insurrection', abusive Tweet nit Donald Trump once swore this essential oath. Totally self-fixated, totally petty, hateful, hot-headed, bigoted, deceitful ill despot, he typifies the foulest of the Founding Fathers fears in woe.

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: Ron Cogswell

Joe Biden rolls up his sleeves

(The Guardian)

The Twelve Labors of Hercules 1. Eliminate the Nemean Lion 2. Kill the Lernean Hydra 3. Capture the Golden Hind 4. Capture the Erymanthian Boar 5. Clean the Stables of King Augeas in a day 6. Annihilate the Stymphalian Birds 7. Capture the Cretan Bull 8. Return the Mares of Diomedes 9. Obtain the Belt of Hippolyta 10. Obtain the Cattle of Geryon 11. Steal the Golden Apples from the Garden of Hesperides 12. Must take Cerberus captive

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The Herculean Tasks for Biden 1. Beat the Orangutan Trump 2. Drain the Republican Swamp 3. Stop the Pandemic 4. Abolish the Death Penalty 5. Redraft the Bill of Immigration 6. Let the many hapless detainees go 7. Tackle the Chinese Dragon 8. Neutralise the Russian Putin 9. Destroy the Nuclear Program of Iran 10. Solve the Change of Climate 11. Delete the North Korean Leader 12. Ban the *bleep* boloney, the bile 13. Stay alive effectually

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Illustration: Chris Riddell