Lance Armstrong settles $100m US government lawsuit for $5m

(BBC)

"I rode my heart out for the Postal cycling team, and was always especially proud to wear the red, white and blue eagle on my chest when competing in the Tour de France. Those memories are very real and mean a lot to me.
"I'm looking forward to devoting myself to the many great things in my life - my five kids, my wife, my podcast, several exciting writing and film projects, my work as a cancer survivor, and my passion for sports and competition."
Lance Armstrong
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“I will simply restate what I have said many times: I have never taken performance enhancing drugs (except for my Erythropoietin, my Human Growth Hormone and my blood doping). Yes, I am a demigod, an inveterate liar, a nasty cocksucker, a recidivist and won lots of endorsements illegally. I cheat, defy. My wry motto: a leopard will never transform its spots. Testicular cancer was joy compared to my fate now. It affects me. Stop me from going down the gurgler.”

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Kempton

The 10 most important issues from 80 years of Superman!

(The Guardian)

Superman is eighty years old = Yes, is so legendary, a triumph!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Shaun Wong

Taxpayers Can Get an Extension Because the IRS Payment Site Crashed on Tax Day

(Time)

The IRS payment site crashed on Tax Day = They act rash, imparted day's extension.

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Image: PROStock Catalog

The 11 most eye-opening lines in James Comey's 'A Higher Loyalty,' ranked

(CNN)

Comey: "This President is unethical, and untethered to truth and institutional values. His leadership is transactional, ego driven and about personal loyalty."
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Ha, this illustrates that he's one thoroughly nasty, rotten, unpleasant, petty, and vicious individual, a disastrous, incompetent leader, and one incredible liar!

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Image: Christopher Cook

This trans model wants to make history by becoming a Victoria's Secret Angel

(Yahoo!)

A transgender Leyna Bloom = Note: gal been lad (sorry, man)

Anagram: Pinchas Aronas

Man Left with Excruciating Headaches After Eating Carolina Reaper in Pepper-Eating Competition

(Oddity Central)

The Carolina Reaper chilli's 'dangerously hot' = Error! Ill in agony, cluster headache. Hospital!

Anagram: Chris Sturdy
Image: TheChili.Life

Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship to Be 1st Event of Its Kind in USA Since 1889

(RT)

Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship = Big goal: Skip far, punch him in the neck!

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Image: Keith vaughton

Five-storey blue penis causes uproar among Stockholm residents

(The Guardian)

This huge five-storey blue penis mural in Stockholm is so crude = Ugh, I see most brutish voyeurs like uncensored phallic motifs.

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Why the Stormy Daniels-Donald Trump story matters

(BBC)

Adult film actress and stripper Stormy Daniels = Pleasant lady, Donald Trump's 'terrific' mistress

Anagram: Jason Lofts
Image: Lorie Shaull

"Witch hunts" explained, from Salem to Donald Trump

(Vox)

Donald Trump. Michael Cohen. "Witch Hunts" = Wanton rich men humped doll. Hush. TicTac?

Anagram: Erin Neathery
Image: Loco Steve

Justice Department seizes classified ads website Backpage.com

(CNN)

Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act = Final fortress, Backpage's extinct!

Anagram: Rosie Perera
Image: Senator McCaskill

Spanish 'Mowgli' man, 72, who was raised by wolves in a cave for 12 years wishes he could return to the mountains after a hard life filled with disappointment among humans

(Daily Mail)

Mowgli of Spain = Wolf amigo nips

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Trump called Mexicans rapists again

(CNN)

Trump called Mexicans rapists again = Adamant, puling pres. racist sex claim

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: torbakhopper