Why the latest party drug brings new dangers

(The Daily Mirror)

















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Why the latest party drug brings new dangers? = Randy guys bed girls! Whew! The pregnant tarts.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Prayers said for tragic children

(AP)

















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Prayers said for tragic children = I rather cry. God's fair candles RIP

(by Maurice Goddard)

Gandhiji's ashes scattered in Indian Ocean

(The Hindu)

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Gandhiji's ashes scattered in Indian Ocean = Inciting echo? Assassinated, he'd end in a jar.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Mel Gibson: 'Obama can't fix the US'

(Digital Spy)

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Mel Gibson: 'Obama can't fix the US' = 'The fit? Obama's boxing Uncle Sam!'

(by Maurice Goddard)

Unrepentant, unforgiven, Blair says "I'd do it again"

(The Times)

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Unrepentant, unforgiven, Blair says "I'd do it again" = Profaner! A nauseating blundering idiot's vanity!

(by Maurice Goddard)

In Speech, Obama to Admit Missteps in First Year

(The New York Times)


















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In Speech, Obama to Admit Missteps in First Year = A brief modesty attempt in his passions - a crime?

(by Dharam Khalsa)

10 questions Tony Blair must answer at the Chilcot inquiry

(The Guardian)


















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10 questions Tony Blair must answer at the Chilcot inquiry = No 10's onetime chronic twit quietly squints. "Arabs lay hurt?"

(by Maurice Goddard)

More youngsters from poor homes go to university

(BBC News)

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More youngsters from poor homes go to university = Eton room moreover, is OUT for most hungry gypsies!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Hillary Clinton says she won't serve eight years

(AP)

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Hillary Clinton says she won't serve eight years = "Honestly, I hate Washington's very silly careers!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Pete Doherty fined for taking drugs to court

(Yahoo! News)

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Heroin?! It's a stupid crime by the... = ... British musician Pete Doherty!

(by Adie Pena)

Book publishers embrace Apple's iPad

(The Australian)

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Book publishers embrace Apple's iPad = E-mail popped up so: "Bash BlackBerries!"

(by Mark McNamara)

Susan Boyle comes home to find an intruder

(People)

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Susan Boyle comes home to find an intruder = but, sadly, found no one there; "I miss romance!"

(by Dharam Khalsa)

London Mayor Boris Johnson to drop policing role

(Reuters)

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London's Mayor Boris Johnson to drop policing role = O! Jolly blond hero's (or moron's) grand opinions cop it!

(by Maurice Goddard)

New Michael Jackson doll to be launched

(Financial Times)

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New Michael Jackson doll to be launched = All can cuddle Jacko now! He's mobile then?

(by Maurice Goddard)

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New Michael Jackson doll to be launched Child can blow/tune lean Jacko's model, eh

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Is Britain becoming more conservative?

(The Daily Telegraph)

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Is Britain becoming more conservative? = Viva Tories! Big Ben is nice to Mr Cameron.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Britons feared dead in Ethiopian Airlines plane crash

(BBC News)



















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Ethiopian Airlines plane crash = Oh, in an airship all rest in peace!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

'Chemical Ali' executed in Iraq

(BBC News)

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Ali Hassan al-Majid 'Chemical Ali' executed in Iraq = Quit a jail animal. Criminal leech! As acid, he's axed!

(by Maurice Goddard)

SAG-gy Bullock and Basterds

(The Sun)

















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SAG-gy Bullock and Basterds = By gad! Gal tends bulk Oscars!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Photographers protest against terror law discrimination

(Daily Mail)

















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"Mass Photo Gathering" = Sharp men "shoot" at gig!

(by Adie Pena)

Should we tell jokes about gays and lesbians? BBC asks the nation.

(The Times)

















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Should we tell jokes about gays and lesbians? BBC asks the nation. = Stabs absolutely ached! Baboons laugh at lewd jest on kinkiness!

(by Maurice Goddard)

'Hope For Haiti Now: A Global Benefit For Earthquake Relief'

(MTV)

















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'Hope For Haiti Now: A Global Benefit For Earthquake Relief' = Oh, A-OK affair where Bono et al offer quite liberating help

(by Adie Pena)

Alleged car thief found playing 'Grand Theft Auto'

(Yahoo! News)

















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Alleged car thief found playing 'Grand Theft Auto' = After lifting a car plant Dodge, the guy had no fuel!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

NBC's Conan fiasco: By the numbers

(The Week)

















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The Leno and O'Brien fiasco = NBC retained a foolish one!

(by Adie Pena)

Iraq inquiry to hear former PM Blair next week

(Reuters)

















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Iraq inquiry to hear former PM Blair next week = "I'm what? Nil IQ?? Extra queer brainy performer?? OK!!

(by Maurice Goddard)

2010 Golden Globe Awards

(The New York Times)

















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The Golden Globe Awards Ceremony, California. = Celebrities all come. Why? For a gong and a drone!

(by Tony Crafter)

Japan Airlines files for bankruptcy protection

(BBC News)

















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Japan Airlines files for bankruptcy = In brief, planes lack January profits?

(by Adie Pena)

Daisy Lowe's coming of age

(The Times)

















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Daisy Lowe's coming of age = Fine cow, as leggy, said "MOO!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Gordon Brown branded Mandelson's puppet as he champions the middle class

(Daily Mail)

















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The champion of the middle classes? = Homicidal leech! He's Ten's so daft PM.

(by Maurice Goddard)

'Avatar' earns a billion dollars, fastest ever

(Techie.com.ph)

















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The film, James Cameron's "Avatar," earns a billion dollars = A brilliant L.A. craftsman's movie on a jarhead sells more!

(by Adie Pena)

Gay pageant 'cancelled by police' in China

(BBC News)

















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A "Mr Gay China" is cancelled by police = Chic and campy nice boys are illegal!

(by Adie Pena)

Thousands view solar eclipse event

(AP)

















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Thousands view solar eclipse event = View satellite's phased cover on sun

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Our Solar System May Have Millions of "Twins"

(National Geographic)

















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Our Solar System May Have Millions of "Twins" = So, we humans may aim to visit less forlornly

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Salmon, beef on the menu for Prince William in Australia

(The Herald Sun)

















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Prince William will sit down to a lunch fit for a king when he arrives at Admiralty House next week. = What de luxe main menu fill! What's in it? Kangaroo steak with crocodile liver in prawn fry with eels!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Why those fat thighs may help you live longer

(Reuters)

















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People with fat in their thighs and backsides may live longer = Eh? Like greedy living fatheads as that PM Brown in politics eh?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Palin's Fox News deal a political sign?

(CNN)

















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Sarah Palin, a TV news commentator? = That woman's crap is a normal event!

(by Adie Pena)

Battered Brown lets Mandelson take centre stage at key Labour meeting after failed coup

(Daily Mail)

















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Battered Brown lets Mandelson take centre stage = Rot retreats? Ten's lame weed backs an old bent gent!

(by Maurice Goddard)

The Pilot Navigates Fate

(The New York Times)

















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Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger III = Celebrity ace rules in his big plane!

(by Adie Pena)

Topless Tiger Woods to be on Vanity Fair

(ABC)

















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A topless Tiger = I get press, a lot

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Tiger topless fot Leibovitz in vanity fair

(Yahoo! Sports)

















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Tiger topless = Lost prestige

(by Tony Crafter)

Going up! How Warren Beatty slept his way to the top

(Daily Mail)

















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Warren Beatty gloats he has bedded more than 12,775 women! = 12,775 lays! Not bad, eh? Bet he has got a red-raw, erm... endowment.

(by Tony Crafter)

Dubai opens half-mile-high tower, world's tallest

(Yahoo! News)

















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World's tallest building = Still strong, dwell Dubai!

(by Mark McNamara)

Does the G-spot really exist?

(Daily Mail)

















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Ha! Scientists formally claim the G-spot doesn't exist! = It's a sex-myth. So, let's go find that clitoris's place, men!

(by Tony Crafter)

Ex-mayor admits stealing women's underwear

(BBC News)

















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Ian Stafford = Fad for satin

(by Aronas Pinchas)

What's new, Pussycat? Using the toilet

(The Wall Street Journal)

















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What's new, Pussycat? Using the toilet = "Lay one, Puss! (Aww -- it's the cutest thing!)"

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

2010 Ushered In By The Ball Drop At Times Square

(Thaindian News)

















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"Ball Drop" at Times Square in New York City... = ...isn't a mild or quiet New Year's block party

(by Adie Pena)

No heart disease for Rush Limbaugh

(ABC News)

















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No heart disease for Rush Limbaugh = ...for he has no heart, I guess. (Dumb liar.)

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

New year, same old binge Britain

(Daily Mail)

















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The New Year's Eve celebrations = Vast cheer to beer! Else any wine!

(by Maurice Goddard)