I am proud to be gay, says pop star Ricky Martin

(BBC News)

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The singer Enrique "Ricky" Martin Morales... = ...remarks, "One thing, sir, I'm certainly queer!"

(by Adie Pena)

Suicide bombers kill at least 37 in Moscow subway

(National Post)

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Suicide bombers kill at least thirty seven in Moscow subway = Bad blast blows many their Muscovites. Likewise, no security.

(by Aronas Pinchas)

US, Russia reach new arms control deal

(CNN)

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US, Russia reach new arms control deal = So, do crush war-time nuclear arsenals!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Tiger Woods' adultery: The scientific defense

(Salon)

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Tiger Woods' adultery: The scientific defense = It glorifies the screwiest tendency of a dude!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Talk to your baby (using real words)... it boosts their brain

(Daily Mail)

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Talk to your baby (using real words)... it boosts their brain = Why risk, go oral...don't babble, utter to your bairns as it is.

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Vienna Boys' Choir caught up in sex abuse scandals

(The Times)

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Vienna Boys' Choir caught up in sex abuse scandals = As church snaps, "God, you beast! Inexcusable!" (in vain?)

(by Dharam Khalsa)

After Health Vote, Threats on Democrats

(The New York Times)

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After Health Vote, Threats on Democrats = Haste to control the adverse aftermath!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Discovery makes it official: "Sarah Palin's Alaska" to TLC

(Washington Post)

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"Sarah Palin's Alaska" reality TV show in The Learning Channel = As in all her interviews, a charlatan shall speak on anything.

(by Adie Pena)

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"Sarah Palin's Alaska" reality show Killer has a passion. What? A salary!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Moon's Water Comes in Three Flavors, Scientists Say

(Yahoo! News)

















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Moon's Water Comes in Three Flavors, Scientists Say = My favorite ones: Mint, Carrots, Swiss Cheese. (No salt?)

(by Adie Pena)

Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon suspended from Labour party

(Daily Mail)

















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Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon suspended from Labour party = The MPs for hire won a lobbyists' payout, offend us and get in rather deep crap.

(by Chris Sturdy)

Samantha Cameron expecting baby

(Yahoo! News)

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Samantha Cameron expecting baby = A Tory bench beams! Next, a campaign?

(by Maurice Goddard)

'Baby killer' shouted at Democrat after bill's passage

(CNN)

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'Baby killer' shouted at Democrat after bill's passage = First some bad boys called the great Stupak a liberal!

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Iceland volcano prompts evacuations

(Al Jazeera)

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Iceland volcano prompts evacuations = Lava crops panic. Cold EU state movin' on

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Enter Emeril's Mother's Day Breakfast in Bed Contest!

(ABC News)

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Enter Emeril's Mother's Day Breakfast in Bed Contest! = Best tinned farm milk + cheeses on toast + red berry tea!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Soham murderer Ian Huntley's throat is slashed in attack by fellow inmate

(Daily Mail)

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Ian Huntley's throat is slashed by a fellow inmate = What all in Soham then say: ""Definitely a result! S.O.B.!"

(by David Bourke)

Irish victims disappointed by pope abuse letter

(Washington Post)

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Irish victims disappointed by pope abuse letter = Benedict's a bit vapid reply to impious priests, eh

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Obese mothers-to-be pose problems

(Yahoo! News)

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NHS maternity units are struggling to cope with the growing number of obese pregnant women. = Grunting orgasms now! One terrific plump twenty-nine stone mother-to-be, was bigger than huge!

(by Maurice Goddard)

British Airways cabin crew strike begins

(The Guardian)

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The British Airways cabin crew have gone on strike. = Their hare-brain wish being to wreck vacations? Yes.

(by Tony Crafter)

British Airways Strike Begins

(The New York Times)

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British Airways goes on strike = O, it's a big war in the sorry skies!

(by Adie Pena)

Opposition 'Day of Anger' in Russia

(Yahoo! News)

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Opposition 'Day of Anger' in Russia = Noisy agonies! Poor Putin's afraid?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Lady Gaga Is Sued

(The New York Times)

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Lady Gaga Is Sued = Gal's ad guy's idea?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Jessica Simpson investigates standards of beauty

(NewsOK)

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Jessica Simpson investigates standards of beauty = "Stage joy paid fast, as I'd ban Miss Universe contests!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Ashton, in Gaza, condemns violence after fatal rocket

(Yahoo! News)

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Ashton, in Gaza, condemns violence after fatal rocket = An earnest old conflict of revenge: Hamas attack Zion!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Irish Catholic head apologises over child abuse row

(Yahoo! News)

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Irish Catholic head apologises over child abuse row = Hoo-ha is his road. Believe such geriatric codswallop?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Republicans howling as Dems muddle through various options of health care reform bill

(New York Daily News)

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Republicans howling as Dems muddle through various options of health care reform bill = Driven hard in the loud plight, Obama follows GOP's chronic bullshit measure for measure!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Nina Maria Kleivan dressed up baby as Hitler, Stalin and Saddam as part of 'evil doers' photo essay

(New York Daily News)

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Nina Maria Kleivan dressed up baby as Hitler, Stalin and Saddam as part of 'evil doers' photo essay = Piss as depraved kiddy passion? Yasser Arafat, Ivan the Terrible, Osama bin Laden, and Mullahs too!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tiger Woods to come back to active golf at the Augusta Masters

(Thaindian News)

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The US Masters Tournament, Augusta National Golf Club, Georgia = A return of a long-absent Tiger to a usual gig means much to a... slut.

(by Adie Pena)

World's oldest person? Vodka-drinking 129-year-old Georgian woman makes record bid

(Daily Mail)



















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World's oldest person? Vodka-drinking 129-year-old Georgian woman makes record bid = Lord! 29.1 kilo raw skin and bone groggy old crone snored, amid Vodka's sweet RIP dream!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Mountain lion roaming Santa Fe

(KRQE)

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Mountain lion roaming Santa Fe = An animal's no gift on main route!
Mountain lion roaming Santa Fe = Aim is NOT an afternoon mauling!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

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Mountain lion roaming Santa Fe = Animal (man's foe?) touring nation

(by Pinchas Aronas)

Chemical in Bananas Might Combat HIV Infection

(BusinessWeek)

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Chemical in Bananas Might Combat HIV Infection? = Hi! Can't combat fain Catholic men in misbehaving!

(by Maurice Goddard)

World's Shortest Man Pingping Dies Aged 21

(Yahoo! News)

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World's Shortest Man Pingping Dies Aged 21 = 21 timed gongs ended his last worn gasp. RIP

(by Maurice Goddard)

Heel op ends Beckham World Cup record bid

(Yahoo! News)

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Heel op ends Beckham World Cup record bid = Drop hope, when lame soccer duck dribbled!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes split

(BBC News)

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Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes split = Well-spent times? Sad and mistaken.

(by Adie Pena)

British actress Kate Winslet splits from husband

(AP)

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British actress Kate Winslet splits from husband = Star script as a film's blue twist; Both need shrinks!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tropical Cyclone Tomas slams Fiji

(CNN)

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Tropical Cyclone Tomas slams Fiji = Impact is not jolly as forces claim!

(by Maurice Goddard)

British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss

(Reuters)
British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss

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British pair faces jail time in Dubai over kiss = Demure Arabs jail if kissin' is prohibitive act

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Mission: Impossible's Peter Graves dies in LA aged 83

(BBC News)

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The star of "Mission: Impossible" Peter Graves dies at eighty-three = I do have memories of his gritty "Agent Phelps" series. It rates best!

(by Adie Pena)

A New Breed of Guard Dog Attacks Bedbugs

(The New York Times)

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A New Breed of Guard Dog Attacks Bedbugs = A dogged and cute worker de-bugs a B&B fast!

(by Maurice Goddard)

The activist Mr Brown

(BBC)

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The activist Mr Brown = Vain twit's Mr Botcher

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama says he will push for education overhaul

(Reuters)

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Obama says he will push for education overhaul = Oh, 'Hawaiian' Pres. may revalue doubtful schools!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Man sues airline for not looking at his scrotum

(Toronto Sun)

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Man sues airline for not looking at his scrotum = Information on Marcel's glorious nuts? Shake it!

(by Adie Pena)

Carlos Slim overtakes Bill Gates in world rich list

(BBC News)

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Bill Gates is no longer the world's richest man = The Carlos Slim billions negate nerd's growth

(by Tony Crafter)

Google to digitise ancient Italian books

(BBC News)

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Google to digitise ancient Italian books = OK! It's a big one 'cos I got Galileo, Dante in it!

(by Adie Pena)

I slapped pupils, admits Pope's brother

(The Independent)

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I slapped pupils, admits Pope's brother = Parable's PS to Dope's RIP: "Help! I'm stupid!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Texas judge says death penalty unconstitutional

(WorldNews)

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Texas judge says death penalty unconstitutional = "USA's duty to get up, and axe nasty lethal injections!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Seal meat to be on menu at Canadian Parliament

(Yahoo! News)

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Seal meat to be on menu at Canadian Parliament = EU enacted a ban on sea animal in moral attempt

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Levin to Replace Rangel as Ways and Means Chairman

(The New York Times)

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Levin to Replace Rangel as Ways and Means Chairman = No sir, he can't remain; new man already clasps a gavel!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Lord Ashcroft faces new claims of tax avoidance

(The Guardian)

















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Michael Anthony Ashcroft = Tory cash machine? Not half!

(by David Bourke)

Elgar £20 note no longer legal tender

(Yahoo! Finance)

















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Legal tender = Let Elgar end

(by Chris Sturdy)