Twitter Just Unleashed on Trump for Chickening Out of Sanders Debate

(US Uncut)

Trump Officially Chickens Out of Sanders Debate = It could imply fears of fate: Sanders' Tub o' Chicken!

Anagram: Dharam, Image: Twitter

Cincinnati mourns gorilla killed to save boy

(USA Today)

Cincinnati mourns gorilla killed to save boy = I cry in revolt. Cages unkind to animals! I'll boo!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard

This New Trailer for Blake Lively's Shark Movie The Shallows Is Buckwild Crazy

(Cosmopolitan)

US actor Blake Lively performs in film 'The Shallows' = Silly plot with a loco shark vs nimble female surfer

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Coke debuts 'proud to be an American' cans

(CNN)

Coke debuts 'proud to be an American' cans = Come on, drink a cup, and race to be best! USA!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: jeffliebig

Rise of Donald Trump Tracks Growing Debate Over Global Fascism

(The New York Times)

Rise of Donald Trump Tracks Growing Debate Over Global Fascism = Daft simpleton crowds flock to aggressive red mogul barbarian!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Image: Crash Symbols

Tragically Hip: The most Canadian band in the world

(BBC)

Tragically Hip = Airplay glitch?

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: Mike Bouchard

Dr. Henry Heimlich, 96, performs lifesaving technique he invented for the FIRST TIME when a woman chokes on her hamburger in the seat beside him

(Daily Mail)

Doctor Heimlich actually gets to use his maneuver in reality = Aye, cult thrust integral, has live outcome. Nearly is homicide!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Donald Trump backs down on Bernie Sanders debate challenge after saying he'd "love to debate" Hillary Clinton's Democratic primary opponent

(New York Daily News)

Donald Trump calls off debate with Bernie Sanders = The candidates promised for full brawl, end absent.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Andrew Bisdale

Rare "Pizzly" Or "Grolar" Bear Shot And Killed By Hunter In Canada

(Huffington Post)

Rare "pizzly" or "grolar" bear shot and killed by hunter in Canada = An unearned horrible attack on grizzly-polar hybrid. Real sad.

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Donald Trump: Clinton Not 'Presidential' - Because He Doesn't Like Her Voice

(The Wall Street Journal)

Donald Trump: Clinton Not 'Presidential' - Because He Doesn't Like Her Voice = Clinton: "Bloke's one pathetic, insane, muddled, pretentious arch-evildoer!"

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: torbakhopper

And on the second day, God made the smiley face and the thumbs up: New translation of the Bible is written in EMOJI for millennials

(Daily Mail)

The King James Bible gets translated into Emoji = Here's 👿 (Satan) talking: "I'm ♨️ (testing) 😇 (Job)".
😫 (Job): "Let me 🔫 (die)!"

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Image: feryswheel

Johnny Depp hires top lawyer known as 'Disso Queen' to protect $400 million fortune

(The Daily Telegraph)

The Loyola graduate Laura Wasser = Adulterers' lawyer. Ah, a USA gal too!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: GabboT

Python Bites Man's Penis After Emerging From Toilet in Thailand Home

(KTLA5)

Python emerges from toilet and bites man's penis, Thailand officials say = It is fallacy in method, for he sat. Yes, if a man pees standing, it's no problem!

Anagram: Dharam

Thousands of Trump supporters line up outside Convention Center

(The San Diego Union-Tribune)

Thousands of Trump supporters line up outside Convention Center = Indoctrinated puppets of Trump's nonsense cult: One Virtuous Hero!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: PhoenixVegan

Donald Trump Clinches GOP Nomination

(National Public Radio)

Donald Trump Clinches GOP Nomination = Strong and much epic poll "Don-mination"!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

Obama Becomes First Sitting US President to Visit Hiroshima

(Time)

Obama becomes first sitting US President to visit Hiroshima = Top US visitor at grim atomic bomb site, he insists he's a friend

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Donald Trump Clinches Republican Nomination After Securing Required Delegates

(ABC News)

Donald Trump Clinches Republican Nomination After Securing Required Delegates = Final consequence: nightmares! A darned putrid, terrible, demonic lunatic, rules GOP

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: Cory Doctorow

The superbug that doctors have been dreading just reached the US

(Washington Post)

"Nightmare bacteria" = CRE a big main threat

Anagram: Rosie Perera, Photo: Wikimedia

Donald Trump Clinches GOP Nomination

(National Public Radio)

Donald Trump clinches GOP nomination = I'm hoping Clinton can stop rude old man

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Elizabeth Warren trashes Trump as a "small, insecure money-grubber"

(CBS News)

Elizabeth Warren trashes Trump as a "small, insecure money-grubber" = "Him? Surly magnate amasses rarer wealth. Corrupt Beelzebub sinner!"

Anagram: Maurice Goddard

Donald Trump Gives Gov. Susana Martinez a Poor Performance Review

(The New York Times)

Donald Trump Gives Gov. Susana Martinez a Poor Performance Review = Crazed saliva runs from avowed arrogant presumptive GOP nominee!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: LANL

Bill Cosby ordered to stand trial in decade-old sex assault case

(St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

Bill Cosby ordered to stand trial in decade-old sex assault case = It'll test sex-abuser's bad conscience, a real oily odd old dastard!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: Ted Eytan

Project Fear to keep UK in Europe

(The Daily Telegraph)

The question: Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union = He mentioned no future. No hope. Heinous naïve anti-immigrant Europhobe Neanderthals queue to remodel UK

Anagram: Greig Templeton, Photo: Chris Goldberg

Squid And Octopus Population On The Rise

(RT)

Squid and octopus population on the rise = Or: Cephalopod quantities up, it sounds, no?

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: Ratha Grimes

Bill Clinton Says He Won't Mention Donald Trump, Then Does Three Times in a Campaign Speech

(ABC News)

Bill Clinton Says He Won't Mention Donald Trump, Then Does Three Times in a Campaign Speech = To mind: Bernie's the "opponent". That mindless maniac clown is "the other guy". Clean and simple.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Gage Skidmore

This Guy Got Breast Implants to Win a $100,000 Bet -- And he liked them so much that he had them for 20 years.

(Cosmopolitan)

A gambler/magician would like his size 38C breast implants removed after twenty years = Titter! Brian Zembic's lovely pecs (installed fake mammaries) won this guy a wager/dare

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Trump once revealed his income tax returns. They showed he didn't pay a cent

(Washington Post)

Trump once revealed his income tax returns. They showed he didn't pay a cent. = Hum? No wonder! In truth, shame. Deception and deceit expert's a very sly cheat.

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

How Birds Became Red

(Forbes)

How Birds Became Red = Described how? "Amber."

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Carolyn Lehrke

Key GOP Donors Still Deeply Resist Donald Trump's Candidacy

(The New York Times)

Key GOP donors still deeply resist Donald Trump's candidacy = Rotten, disliked, dodgy tycoon's rudely mindless crap appals!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: Cory Doctorow

Tortoise in a baby stroller a novelty even for New Yorkers

(MSN)

Sulcata tortoise ~ causes total riot

Anagram: Russ Atkinson, Photo: Via Tsuji

Mount Etna spews out lava in stunning volcanic display

(The Daily Telegraph)

Mount Etna, Sicily, Europe's highest active volcano = Civil emergency! Its cone spat out heinous hot lava.

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Could a Low-Salt Diet Hurt Your Health?

(US News & World Report)

Could a low-salt diet hurt your health? = Why use it all? Could hurt a lot...or death!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Raül Utrera

Genetically Engineered Crops Are Safe and Possibly Good for Climate Change

(Scientific American)

Genetically modified crops = Optimised cornfield legacy = Get fields rapidly economic

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: Chiot's Run

La. lawmaker wants strippers to be young and thin

(KFOR4)

La. lawmaker wants strippers to be young and thin = In bars we gawk at her slim, tan, nude top parts only

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

In Sit-Down With Donald Trump, Megyn Kelly Shows A Light Touch

(National Public Radio)

Megyn Kelly interviews Donald Trump = Still inwardly kept revenge on dummy

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

How fast is New Orleans sinking? Faster and faster, says new study

(Christian Science Monitor)

How fast is New Orleans sinking? Faster and faster, says new study = Wasn't funny, as settling down there's a risky affair! Woes! Sadness!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Photo: Don Graham

Fashion for a bird

(Yahoo!)

Fashion for a bird~brain. Hairdo's off!

Anagram: Robert Jordan, Photo: Ed Remedio/Caters News Agency

DNC to offer Sanders a convention concession

(Washington Post)

Contested convention = DNC's to not even notice

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Trevor Bexon

Trump Card

(Snopes.com)

"Donald Trump has been in the public eye for over thirty years...and he was never once accused of being racist by anyone until he decided to run against the Democrats." = He could conceivably be President of the United States of America, and screw us over. It's already great, you ninny! Don't cheat and beg! He can end! Hurry, Bernie, stop him!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

EgyptAir flight goes off radar en route from Paris

(USA Today)

EgyptAir = Rage, pity

EgyptAir crash = Teary graphics

Anagrams: Josiah Winslow, Julian Lofts, Photo: Eric Salard

Donald Trump Still Has a Tough Climb to the White House

(Fortune)

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. = I, Donald J. Trump, a Republican egotist, shall, if I get voted in office, fight ISIS, change tiny fences built on the southern border to a wall, aid deceit, and alienate the world.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Cruz, Kasich, Carson can win delegates in Washington's presidential primary

(The News Tribune)

Cruz, Kasich, Carson can win delegates in Washington's presidential primary = Yet, crazier campaigns lack gains, and won't win in harsh elections. Surprised?

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Elderly man's Quaker Oats contest submission rejected because it's hand-written

(MSN)

Elderly man's Quaker Oats contest submission rejected because it's hand-written = It's just not cricket. Wheat co.'s d*mn queer system's unreasonable, biased, anti-elder.

Anagram: Russ Atkinson, Photo: Simon D

Clinton takes Kentucky, Sanders takes Oregon

(CNN)

Clinton takes Kentucky, Sanders wins Oregon = "I won!" "I lost!" Go try. Neck-and-neck rank tenses us.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

The Mind of Donald Trump

(The Atlantic)

Across his lifetime, Donald Trump has exhibited a trait profile that you would not expect of a US president: sky-high extroversion combined with off-the-chart low agreeableness = He's a most insufferable pretender. What a sexist pig. What a frightfully obnoxious, stupid, racist, white xenophobe he is. Don't elect him! Vote for Democrat "Crooked Hillary" instead.

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Woman driver follows her GPS into lake

(The Independent)

Woman driver follows her GPS into lake = Her new flaws: Gal drove into pool. Smirk!

Anagram: Russ Atkinson, Photo: Patrick Dockens

Donald Trump: Being Smart Is Dumb, Ignorance Is Good

(Vanity Fair)

Donald Trump: Being Smart Is Dumb, Ignorance Is Good = Cringe to blooming pudding's absurd reason, dammit!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

'I need help': Sophie Grégoire Trudeau's plea sparks anger in Canada

(The Guardian)

Sophie Trudeau = Poised hauteur

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: DoD News Features

Bill Clinton's rough day on the trail

(Politico)

Bill Clinton's rough day on the trail = Hillary continues to roll...bad night?

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Father speaks of son, who was found decapitated

(ABC7 Chicago)

Father speaks of son, who was found decapitated = Weapon...footsteps dashed..head was off in a truck.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Alan Cleaver

Man receives penis transplant in US

(BBC)

The Massachusetts General Hospital = Oh, reattaches genitals, heals stumps

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Old Trafford suspect device 'signed for' by security firm

(BBC)

Security Search Management & Solutions Ltd = Lost 'toy' & Manchester United cursing as "lame"!

Anagram: Chris Sturdy

What Donald Trump must do to defeat Hillary Clinton

(Fox News)

What Donald Trump must do to defeat Hillary Clinton = To win, hardly put a full mindset on that old Democrat.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Bill Clinton: 'I killed myself to give the Palestinians a state'

(Politico)

Bill Clinton: 'I killed myself to give the Palestinians a state' = It kept oilcans, a noted benefit, yet Islam's still a living hell

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Impeachment of Brazil president goes from longshot to likely

(Fox News)

Impeachment of Brazil president goes from longshot to likely = Most feel, simply zero shot in hell at going back for redemption.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Agência Brasil Fotografias

Crossing the Line: How Donald Trump Behaved With Women in Private

(The New York Times)

Crossing the line: How Donald Trump behaved with women in private = Philandering lover wanted whoopee and hot numbers with victims

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Walrus gives birth at Quebec City aquarium, a Canadian first

(CBC)

Walrus gives birth at Quebec City aquarium, a Canadian first = Arnaliaq carried such a fat cub. Visit by water, quite amusing

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Aquarium du Québec

Pfizer blocking use of its drugs for lethal injections

(The Daily Telegraph)

These are the anaesthetic drugs that have been used to kill death row inmates: pancuronium bromide, potassium chloride, propofol, midazolam, hydromorphone, rocuronium bromide and vecuronium bromide = Oh, proud, virtuous Pfizer doesn't condone them being used on a murderer, killer, homicidal moron, terminator, maniac, rapist, child abuser/paedophile. Hmm, odd? Maybe not. Atrocious? Um, somewhat true! Oh, behave!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Wade M

Turner prize 2016 shortlist features buttocks sculpture and choo-choo train

(The Guardian)

This year's Turner prize shortlist features buttocks sculpture and a choo-choo train = Crazy UK sculptor creates or fashions an unclothed tush (posterior). But(t)... is it art here?

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: Car Los

Transgender toilet use: US schools 'must respect gender identity'

(BBC)

Transgender toilet use = Gents? Ladies? Neuter? Rot!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Image: Ted Eytan