The essential Olympic Games planner for Rio 2016

(The Guardian)

The Rio Olympic Games = Simply heroic...go, team!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Trump's burn of the Colorado Springs fire dept. came right after they rescued him

(Washington Post)

Trump's burn of the Colorado Springs fire dept. came right after they rescued him = "Sorry, figure he's firm Democrat supporter. He can't be trusted, in fact. God help him."

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Why Trump is campaigning in blue states

(CNN)

Why Trump is campaigning in blue states = Republicans might tempt us in a swaying

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: thetortmaster

Donald Trump Threatens To Hit Democratic Convention Speakers "So Hard Their Heads Would Spin"

(Huffington Post)

Trump: "I mean, the things that were said about me, I was going to hit a number of those speakers so hard their heads would spin, they'd never recover!" = I hear he's tough, with a suit of armor. Hardly! He worries about DNC guests making shared viewpoints. He doesn't have temperament to be President!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Scientists find new antibiotic in the human nose

(Washington Post)

Scientists find new antibiotic in the human nose = as the men want infection-inhibited sinus tonics

Anagram: Chris Davis, Photo: Microbe World

Computer Systems Used by Clinton Campaign Are Said to Be Hacked, Apparently by Russians

(The New York Times)

Computer systems used by Clinton campaign are said to be hacked, apparently by Russians = Cynics may say dishonest Republican Trump probably asked Putin to screen message data

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: Goethe-Institut Moskau

Hillary Clinton has a huge lead over Donald Trump in one of the most consequential swing states

(Business Insider)

Hillary Clinton has a huge lead over Donald Trump in one of the most consequential swing states = Pennsylvania is firm: don't let the squalid orange con man close to the White House grounds at all!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Caricature: DonkeyHotey

The worst might be yet to come with the DNC email hack

(Business Insider)

Hillary Rodham Clinton, the Democrat nominee, will be elected as President, and she will soon become our first f***** President of the United States.
=
She's now rallied on, bound to step in a term...or not. No, I find it's not correct. First, why didn't I call her "female"? Simple. Because she deleted the "emale".

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Disney | ABC TV

Hillary Clinton: 'The sky's the limit'

(CNN)

Hillary Clinton: 'The sky's the limit' = Then I'll likely hit on mythic stars

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Disney | ABC TV

End of the World: Armageddon by Polar Shift to Begin July 29, Says Doomsday Group

(The Inquisitr)

Another polar shift was predicted today = Catastrophe on Friday - the world dies. Apt!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: Elizabeth Haslam

End Of The World 2016: July 29 Is Done -- Why Are We Still Here?

(Morning Ledger)

The world we live in = It will end, however.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Dennis Skley

Trump and the Hack

(The Wall Street Journal)

"Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the thirty-thousand emails that are missing." = Yes, Donald Trump is a slime-y orange-hair thief, but in this situation here, he is guilty of treason!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

Icons: In bed with Kim and Kanye

(Harper's BAZAAR)

Harper's BAZAAR icons Kim Kardashian and Kanye West = A radiant bride? She's a skank! He raps. A crazy man, I know.

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: Getty Images

Hillary Clinton Named First Female Presidential Nominee of a Major Party

(Time)

A female Democratic Presidential nominee = Leader to define special moment in America

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Islamic State says militant "soldiers" carried out Normandy church attack

(Washington Post)

Daesh militant Adel Kermiche ~ had hate, came, killed minister

Anagram: Jason Lofts

Conventions giving us best political drama in decades

(The Hill)

Conventions giving us best political drama in decades = Nominating act divides Republicans; selects avid goon

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

Democrats Struggle for Unity on First Day of Convention

(The New York Times)

The Democratic National Convention = Chaotic - control not even maintained!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Disney | ABC

Gladiators are banned from Rome

(MSN)

Gladiators are banned from Rome = Romans forbid drama, negate role

Anagram: Russ Atkinson, Photo: Cédric

Koala pole dancer

(mental_floss)

Koala pole dancer ~ can do a polka, reel

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Pavarotti Widow Tells Trump to Stop Using 'Nessun Dorma' in Campaign

(NBC News)

The widow of Pavarotti: "Please stop using 'Nessun Dorma' for your campaign!" = Woeful towhead Trump adopts a very stunning messianic aria for GOP. Oops!

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Tim Kaine: Everything You Need to Know

(ABC News)

Virginia Senator Timothy Michael Kaine = I hear I may have girl's nomination ticket

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Fox News chief Ailes resigns after sexual harassment claims

(The Hollywood Reporter)

Fox News chief Roger Ailes resigns = Finis, exec oaf. He rogers newsgirls.

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

The Major Problem With "Make America Great Again"

(Cosmopolitan)

Donald Trump's election slogan is "Make America great again!" = Mascaraed Melania's a plagiarist, OK. Girl got denouncement.

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: Cam Miller

Donald Trump Threatens the Ghostwriter of "The Art of the Deal"

(The New Yorker)

Donald Trump Threatens the Ghostwriter of "The Art of the Deal" = That real offended hothead to thwart them reporting results

Anagram: Chris Davis, Photo: Mike Licht

Three Problems with the Melania Trump Plagiarism Admission

(The New Yorker)

Model and designer Melania Knauss Trump = Slender mum and one unmasked plagiarist!

Anagram: Adie Pena

Prosecutors appeal 'shockingly lenient' Pistorius sentence

(Daily Mail)

"We respectfully submit that the sentence of six years imprisonment, in all the circumstances, is disproportionate to the crime of murder committed... that is to say, shockingly too lenient" = Yes, in this extract the National Prosecuting Authority metes out criticism most felt of the marked clemency shown to the limbless defendant, onetime Olympic sprinter Oscar Pistorius

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Cartoon: Roy Blumenthal

Did Melania Trump lie about graduating?

(The New Zealand Herald)

Melania = A lie, man!

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas, Photo: WEBN-TV

Artist Builds Mini Wall Around Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame Star

(NBC News)

Artist Builds Mini Wall Around Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame Star = How a brilliant work totally disrupted a famous US man's film world!

Anagram: Adie Pena

Artist Builds Mini Wall Around Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame Star = Tourist walkway artform: Small, odd, dumber, wishful isolation plan

Anagram: Chris Davis

Did Melania Trump lie about graduating?

(The New Zealand Herald)

Melania Trump lies about her graduation = A Euro laureate using intro: B.A., M.A., M.Lit. Ph.D!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: Marc Nozell

Awks! Melania Trump cribs Michelle Obama's speech

(News24)

The United States First Lady Michelle Robinson Obama = But to the distaste of many, Melania cribs her old lines!

Anagram: Adie Pena

Melania Trump RNC speech appears to copy Michelle Obama talk

(New York Daily News)

Melania's a total retard copying Michelle Obama's speech. Invalid! Cruel contempt! Drunk men snort at her nerdiness! Shh! Learn! = Mr Donald Trump's main cheerleader at the convention has such large silicone breasts and really prominent cheek implants.

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Trump Campaign Uses Every Excuse In The Book To Explain Melania's Plagiarism

(Huffington Post)

Melania Trump's Republican Convention speech = N...n...no! I can't run up Michelle Obama's perspective!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Donald Trump's history with women: adultery, objectification

(New York Daily News)

The Three Wives of The Republican Donald Trump: 1. Ivana Marie Zelnickova 2. Marla Marples 3. Melania Knauss

=

Hmm, a lustful bloke! We are: 1. A vain Czech skier 2. A rampant thespian adulterer 3. A prim, vain Slovenian model

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: WEBN-TV

GOP platform draft declares pornography 'public health crisis'

(CNN)

The Republican National Convention = Oh, I ban all porn! It can't even continue!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Gonorrhea May Soon Become Resistant To All Antibiotics And Untreatable

(PBS Newshour)

Gonorrhea drug resistance = Causing great, dense horror.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Nathan Reading

Trump, Pence debut as Republican party ticket

(WKYC)

Trump, Pence debut as Republican party ticket = Trump debuts pick: entire party unacceptable

Anagram: Chris Davis, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

Failed Turkish coup

(The New York Times)

Failed Turkish coup = Coup had futile risk

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Truck Attack in Nice, France: What We Know, and What We Don't

(The New York Times)

Nice terror attack during Bastille Day = Truck riot directed against all nearby

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

German landlady bricks up couple's front door

(MSN)

Landlady bricks up couple's front door = Bold! Crappy! Stern Frau locks old duo in.

Anagram: Russ Atkinson, Photo: Ben Beltran

Newt Gingrich calls for 'Sharia tests' for all Muslims in the country after Nice attacks

(New York Daily News)

Newt Gingrich said: "We should frankly test every person from here who is of a Muslim background. And if they believe in Sharia, they should be deported." = What unreservedly unhinged gobbledygook! What deeply offensive Trumpery! Rebuke the man for his foolish words in haste. He is anti-Islamic. Red card!

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Illustration: DonkeyHotey

Boris Johnson: How Britain's new foreign secretary has insulted the world

(BBC)

Boris Johnson on Hillary Clinton: "She's got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital." = Is this addled albino, a long-haired, slanderous popinjay, the best choice as British statesman? Personally, I kindly, sternly ululate "NO! NO! NO!"

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: London Gov

Australian man admits to amateur testicle surgery

(BBC)

An Australian man admits to some amateur testicle surgery = Tyro tries castrating a male. Stunt alarmed me. I am nauseous.

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Paul Evans

Saving Rare Ferrets With a Drone That Shoots M&Ms

(MSN)

Photo: USFWS Mountain-Prairie

Saving Rare Ferrets With a Drone That Shoots M&Ms = Far northern shots might avert most raw disease

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Saving Rare Ferrets With a Drone That Shoots M&Ms = start the Mars mission gets thrown far overhead

M&M's are made by Mars, Inc.

Anagram: Chris Davis

All the times Sanders called Wolf Blitzer Jake Tapper

(CNN)

Embed from Getty Images

Wolf Isaac Blitzer, the Cable News Network journalist = Wow...bizarre Bernie won't focus, then still calls at "Jake"!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow

Where art and science meet

(The New Zealand Herald)

The Australian performance artist Stelios Arcadiou = He places ear in arm for auscultation. So is it rated art?

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: Thierry Ehrmann

Virginia man dies after 911 call considered accidental dial, reports say

(Cleveland.com)

Virginia man dies after 911 call considered accidental dial, reports say = 911 services' rapid act to decide if any call is meant as a drill or in danger.

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: C. Holmes

Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos Is Barred From Running Lab for 2 Years

(The New York Times)

Theranos, Inc. = Sanction her!

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: TechCrunch

Security fears mount ahead of GOP convention

(CNN)

Security fears mount ahead of GOP convention = Of course, I can vote 'nay' in the ages of Don Trump. = Changes if you vote a con man OUT for President!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Jayel Aheram

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg intensifies criticism of Trump: 'He is a faker'

(CNN)

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg intensifies her criticism of Trump: 'He is a faker' = Cross feminist judge in rumpus, reiterating rich huckster is a fibber, a thief

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: Wake Forest University School of Law

Black Lives Matter, too: Their Message Being Blurred

(WDTN)

When everybody fights to "Save The Whales", the outcome isn't to "Kill The Dolphins". ~ So, if "Black Lives Matter", then help! Why do they see thoughts on "White Lives Do Not"?

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Thomas Hawk

British Prime Minister David Cameron to resign this week

(New York Post)

The British ex-Prime Minister David Cameron = Brexit did him in. It meant his PM career's over.

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: Number 10

The Burr vs. Hamilton duel happened 212 years ago today

(Yahoo!)

The Hamilton - Burr duel = Ah, hot murder-bullet in!

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas, Photo: Mark B. Schlemmer

Eder's transformation from 'ugly duckling' to Portugal's Euro 2016 hero

(ESPN FC)

Embed from Getty Images

The hero Éderzito António Macedo Lopes = Oho! One-Zero! The competition's real dead!

Anagram: Adie Pena

Two Snipers Kill Five Officers, Wound Several Others At Dallas Protest

(National Public Radio)

The police officers shot in Dallas = Headline of chills, protest fiasco

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Jobs For Felons Hub

Oscar Pistorius given six years for Reeva Steenkamp murder

(BBC)

Poor Pistorius, he wanted months = "I must not drop soap in the shower."

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Cartoon: Roy Blumenthal

Want the smell of success? Try Eau de Trump

(Daily Mail)

1. Donald Trump, The Fragrance 2. Success 3. Empire = Leading character's men's perfume products = Rich aged man's real scent/perfume products

Anagram: Jason Lofts, Photo: Alexander Muse

Tennis: Nick Kyrgios blows up at Piers Morgan

(The New Zealand Herald)

The Australian tennis player Nicholas Kyrgios = A shockingly unpleasant loser. Ay, he is irritant.

Nicholas Kyrgios, the Australian tennis player's ~ an irritatingly unpleasant loser. I say he shocks.

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: ThoamsB

Pauline Hanson: Australian anti-Islam senator criticised

(BBC)

Pauline Hanson is a recently elected Australian senator. Will she win a seat in the parliament? = All her racist paranoia nauseates us intently, while we hint it's a scandal. A repellent nominee!

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Illustration: studio tdes

Chris Evans steps down from BBC's Top Gear show

(Financial Times)

Chris Evans steps down from Top Gear = Fop sensed TV car program's shite now

Anagram: Julian Lofts

NASA's Juno spacecraft is now in orbit around Jupiter

(The Verge)

The spacecraft Juno orbits ~ Jupiter - casts forth beacon.

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Photo: NASA

The 270 Project: Try To Predict Who Will Win The Election

(National Public Radio)

Will Hillary Clinton be the person voted in as the first female President of the United States of America? ~ Oh, OR will I see if Donald Trump sees his very inefficient, paranoid statements then reflect at the ballot?

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: US Embassy

German Tourist Plunges to Death While Posing for Photo at Machu Picchu

(NBC News)

German tourist plunges to death while posing for photo at Machu Picchu = "I must detour, go higher to taunt, while accomplice snaps fun photograph!"

Anagram: Dharam, Photo: Bens640

The Chemist Who Discovered the World's Newest Blue Explains Its Miraculous Properties

(Artnet)

The chemist who discovered the world's newest blue explains its miraculous properties=Report: Nontoxic, impressive with use, this hue did well compared to lesser blue swatches

Anagram: Dharam, Photo: Wikimedia

Republicans: Save your party, don't give to Trump

(Washington Post)

Republicans: Save your party, don't give to Trump = Distrust a proven money vulture! A crappy bigot! = Grave? Yes! Don't pity crap's bum! Vulture ain't poor!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Image: TJ Hawk

Istanbul airport blasts

(The Indian Express)

Istanbul airport = A blast, irruption.

Anagram: Julian Lofts

Mustafa Badreddine, terrorist

(MSN)

Mustafa Badreddine, terrorist = True: bastard is dead, inert form

Anagram: Russ Atkinson, Image: The Israel Project

Alvin Toffler, futurologist guru, dies at 87

(BBC)

The renowned US guru and writer Alvin Toffler has checked out = A trusted winner, he felt 'Future Shock' changed our naive world

Anagram: Julian Lofts, Image: Denise Krebs

Trump facing Romney-like gap in NY polls

(Poughkeepsie Journal)

Trump facing Romney-like gap in NY polls = Clinton's firmly up, making people angry!

Anagram: Josiah Winslow, Photo: Brunosuras

Civil liberties be damned: Donald Trump - an enemy of the Constitution

(Salon)

Civil liberties be damned: Donald Trump - an enemy of the Constitution = Attention! Deadly odious bent ill viper mustn't be Commander in Chief!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard, Caricature: DonkeyHotey