Weeks after virus scare, British PM becomes father again

(Bangkok Post)

PM is a father ~ after mishap

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Number 10

‘Contagion,’ the Movie That Predicted Our Pandemic, Is Really About Our World Falling Apart

(Variety)

Motion picture "Contagion"
=
Citing it up to omen Corona

Anagram: Aronas Pinchas
Image: Penn State

Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (Sage)

(BBC)

Great Britain’s Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies (SAGE) ~ or is a foreign bat necessary to create frigging virus epidemics?

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: US Pacific Fleet

Revealed: leader of group peddling bleach as coronavirus ‘cure’ wrote to Trump this week

(The Guardian)

Bleach peddlers “miracle mineral solution”
=
Illiberal Trump alone endorsed chemicals

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Gwydion M Williams

Tom Hanks’ Blood Is Being Used to Develop Coronavirus Vaccine

(Variety)

Tom Hanks' Blood Is Being Used to Develop Coronavirus Vaccine
=
"Godsend boon I survived so I can help to beat Corona's vile muck!"

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: John Bault

Uhuru, Raila plot coalition government

(Twitter)

Uhuru, Raila plot coalition government
=
Our evil plan to alienating Mr. Ruto. Ouch!

Anagram: Michael Kirwa
Image: Demosh

Kim, dead or alive? Why that’s the wrong question

(Arab News)

Is the leader of North Korea alive?
=
I reveal he’s not OK or heart failed

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Marco Verch

Trump says disinfectant, bleach and ultra-violet light comments were 'sarcastic'

(V)

As theories fit, pedant says bleach and light are wise cures
=
The President of the USA said he was really being sarcastic
=
Nasty ape is daft, theorises bleach and light are wise cures

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Átomo Cartún

Coronavirus: US President Donald Trump suggests 'injecting disinfectant' to treat COVID-19, 'clean the lungs'

(Newshub)

“Inject yourselves with disinfectant,” said the President
=
Er, that just isn’t very scientific, Einstein! So addled. Phew!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Phil Venditti

Queen reaches remarkable milestone as she becomes the FOURTH longest-serving monarch, surpassing 7th century Mayan ruler Pakal the Great

(Daily Mail)

Queen Elizabeth II, Great Britain's longest reigning monarch
=
No equal! Amazing bright noble is energetic! She ain't retiring!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: Ben Terrett

Meet Anthony Fauci, the epidemic expert trying to shape the White House’s coronavirus response

(Science)

The Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases
=
I see Dr. Anthony Fauci is fit, steadfast, resolute, intelligent and heroic too

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: FolsomNatural

Kite-flying Monkey

(UPI)

Kite-flying Monkey
=
O my, 't feeling kinky

Anagram: Russ Atkinson

Coronavirus journey: The 'last cruise ship on Earth' finally comes home

(BBC)

This 'last cruise ship on the Earth', the Magnifica, finally comes home
=
Face mayhem, catastrophe in infectious hellholes, it’s nightmarish!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: kees torn

The scapegoater-in-chief is at it again — and again

(The Hill)

The scapegoater-in-chief is at it again - and again
=
A giant ego trip act is an infinite headache saga!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: Muffinn

Comprehensive measures are being taken to prevent from a new coronavirus infection in the Republic of Komi

(Republic of Komi)

Komi
=
I’m OK

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Calliope Gazetas

Amy Schumer admits she made a mess of baby's name

(RTÉ)

Gene Attell Fischer is US comedian Amy Beth Schumer’s son’s kosher name
=
Hmm, by chance the hero’s name seems to sound like “Genital fissure”. Crass!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Amy Schumer / Instagram

Coronavirus: ‘Liberate’ states protesting against lockdown, says Trump

(BBC)

President Trump says that "we'll be the comeback kids"
=
Lambast him - tweets stir up redneck blockhead types

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Muffinn

The Brightest Supernova Ever

(Gizmodo)

The Brightest Supernova Ever
=
Observe sheath rig erupt, vent

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center

Trump Finds His Own Dumb Endless War

(The New Republic)

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein
=
Doubly fits Trump! Short-sighted, dim,
True attribute: Inane!
Inane! Inane!
Innate hue, unwise,
The nit's ever so vain!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: Jeff Gates

Trump's decision to cut WHO funding is an act of international vandalism

(The Guardian)

President Trump withholds money to ~ WHO most imprudently, then riposted

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: FolsomNatural

Trump pushes the limits of presidential powers to an already anxious country

(CNN)

Trump is pushing the limits of presidential powers
=
Impulse is with emphasis on interrupted golf trips!
=
Rise whilst dumping partners implies he is out of TP!
=
In mire, his last few supporting people distrust him.

Anagram: Dharam
Image: Thomas Hawk

Chernobyl Wildfires Stir Up Radiation

(The New York Times)

Chernobyl Wildfires Stir Up Radiation ~ and wind up total horrible fiery crisis

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: Carsten ten Brink

Loughlin's fake photos released

(New York Post)

Loughlin's fake photos released
=
Aha! Girl unpeeled. She looks soft.

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: City Year

Ray of hope

(Twitter)

Ray of hope https://t.co/yBUSU7h2KT pic.twitter.com/F2PB78iXrl

— Daily Nation (@dailynation) April 12, 2020

Ray of hope
=
Yeah, proof?

WikiLeaks boss Julian Assange fathered two children inside the Ecuadorian embassy with lawyer, 37, who fell in love with him while helping his fight against extradition to the US

(Daily Mail)

That cheeky Australian Julian Assange has fathered two bonny sons, Gabriel and Max, with this cute lawyer Stella Morris
=
Flirter had sex with soulmate at Ecuadorean embassy, sees natural births in jail - galls annoying Yanks who watch the rat

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Anarchimedia

Some abortions in Texas can resume

(CBS News)

Some abortions in Texas can resume ~ but some can't, so examine reason, sir

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: Bernhard Schwarz

Global Coronavirus Deaths Cross 100,000, a Grim Milestone, as Cases Pass 1.6 Million

(The New York Times)

A grim milestone as virus deaths surpass one hundred thousand
=
Meaning venal Trump’s disastrous theories handed USA shrouds

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Muffinn

Republicans Don’t Like What They’re Hearing

(The New York Times)

Republicans Don’t Like What They’re Hearing
=
Rebuke twit Donnie graphically; he rants, eh?

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: FolsomNatural

Elbow bumps are the new handshake, here's why

(ABC News)

Touching elbows instead of shaking hands
=
No laugh! Do nod! A new habit fights sickness!

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: UNMEER

John Prine: this extraordinarily gifted songwriter was the envy of all

(INSERT_NEWSPAPER_NAME)

Mister John Prine has died unfortunately. This talented musician was a revered US folk and country songwriter
=
I feel acute sorrow. I despair. Coronavirus’s just killed this funny and endearing man, attuned to Western rhythm

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Jim Bahn

Trump blasts ex-Navy Capt. Brett Crozier, agrees ‘100%’ with ousting

(New York Post)

Acting Secretary Thomas Modly has fired the US Navy Captain Brett Crozier
=
A grass, eh? Brazen critics and testy Trump have flayed the iconic martyr too

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Cayobo

Make America Great Again—Trump Must Go!

(New York Amsterdam News)

Donald Trump's campaign slogan "Make America Great Again"
=
"I'm a damn large lame duck against a rampaging Corona pest!"

Anagram: Maurice Goddard
Image: FolsonNatural

Acting Navy Secretary Slams Fired Captain as ‘Stupid’

(New York Post)

Acting Secretary Thomas Modly has fired the US Navy Captain Brett Crozier
=
A grass, eh? Brazen critics and testy Trump have flayed the iconic martyr too

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: FolsomNatural

Coronavirus: PM admitted to hospital over virus symptoms

(BBC)

Gets sick with lobar pneumonia
=
Egotistical UK PM’s in rehab now

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Number 10

"I’m not going to do it": Trump rejects his own administration’s advice on masks

(The Guardian)

The POTUS has said “As an example, we have almost 10,000 ventilators and we are ready to rock with those ventilators. We’re gonna bring them to various areas of the country that need them”
=
Forsooth, what an odious throwaway comment he generates! Another wanton regrettable repartee, eh? The vexatious virus has killed nearly 10,000 victims. Oops, Manhattan’s devastated!

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: FolsomNatural

Covid test results in minutes

(The Verge)

Covid test results in minutes
=
it detects virus in tum, no less

Anagram: Russ Atkinson
Image: US Pacific Fleet

Jazz guitarist Bucky Pizzarelli dies from coronavirus

(AP News)

One guitarist John Bucky Pizzarelli has died
=
I’d liked his huge contribution as jazz player

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Shannon Ramos

Ellis Marsalis, New Orleans Jazz Patriarch, Dead at 85

(Pitchfork)

The New Orleans pianist Ellis Marsalis ~ perishes. Stellar man, innate loss, I wail

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Alan Levine

Astrophysicist gets magnets stuck up nose while inventing coronavirus device

(The Guardian)

A really negligent scientific man sticks four magnets up his nose
=
Listen up, this is an amusing gaffe, not rocket science (grins lamely)

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Daniel Reardon

Brazil’s Bolsonaro makes life-or-death coronavirus gamble

(ABC News)

Yes, the Brazilian President Bolsonaro is a real halfwit and imbecile
=
He’s an idiot, bozo, ass, dimwit, certifiably insane pallbearer near Hell

Anagram: Julian Lofts
Image: Jeso Carneiro