Double dip recession fears as service sector growth stalls

(The Guardian)


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We're approaching a 'double-dip' recession. = i.e: Up (bear) Down (panic) Rise (glee!) Drop (chaos)

(by Tony Crafter)

Don't Just Sit There!

(Slate.com)


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How bathroom posture affects your health. = Loo comfort ahoy! What's best? Feet up? Hurrah!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Work To Start On Chile Mine Rescue Shaft

(Sky News)


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Those miners trapped far below ground in Chile = Renew group aid for chaps entombed in stir Hell!

(by Tony Crafter)

Does Your Language Shape How You Think?

(The New York Times)


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Does Your Language Shape How You Think? = Ah! Anu Garg looked up now: "Hey! I shout YES!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Five trapped Chile miners 'depressed'

(BBC)


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Those miners trapped far below ground in Chile = Resident chaps' group interred in a womb of Hell

(by Tony Crafter)

Michael Clarke 'dating underwear model'

(Digital Spy)


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Michael Clarke 'dating underwear model' = A loaded, dreamier, well-hung cricket man?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Bush Returns to Arena With Memoir in Hand

(The Wall Street Journal)


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Bush Returns to Arena With Memoir in Hand = Huh? In it, the mad "War on Terror" bum's insane!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Notting Hill Carnival gets under way

(The Daily Telegraph)


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Notting Hill Carnival gets under way = Tango! Thinly clad girls waver in tune!

(by Maurice Goddard)

When It Comes to Butter Carving, There's No Margarine for Error

(The Wall Street Journal)


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When It Comes to Butter Carving, There's No Margarine for Error = Torment, or "Bravo!" here? Terrific cream art goes wrong in the sun!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Hurricane Danielle becomes Category 4 storm

(BlueRidgeNow)


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Hurricane Danielle = I run... All can die here!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

David Cameron's baby joins ranks of Downing St kids

(The Daily Telegraph)


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David Cameron's baby joins ranks of Downing St kids = Major Eton brass nob kid, Dad: "V-sign now is fancy kids!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

How can I get over losing the love of my life?

(The Daily Telegraph)


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How can I get over losing the love of my life? = "Woof!" hello, of every canine, might give lots?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren divorce

(Windsor Star)


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Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren divorce = Swede idol, and green driver icon, go torn.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Hundreds Protest Over 'Ground Zero Mosque'

(Sky News)


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Hundreds Protest Over 'Ground Zero Mosque' = Rendezvous to dump horror's grotesque end

(by Maurice Goddard)

Egg salmonella cases spark lawsuits

(USA Today)


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The egg salmonella cases = Eat clean meal, slosh eggs

(by Aronas Pinchas)

'True Blood' stars say 'I do'

(Boston Herald)


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'True Blood' stars say 'I do' = ...so a rosy-red old bat suit

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

Eggs and salmonella: What you need to know

(Los Angeles Times)


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Eggs and salmonella: What you need to know = Omelets soon dawn hell and wake gut agony!!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Cult of less: Living out of a hard drive

(BBC)


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Cult of less: Living out of a hard drive = Hi! Virtual soul addicts never log off!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Michael battles throat cancer and Zeta fights to keep family together

(Daily Mail)


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Star, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones = Jeez! Throat cancer diagnosis haunts lead male.

(by Tony Crafter)

U.S. Catholic church faces new pedophilia lawsuit

(Canada.com)


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U.S. Catholic church faces new pedophilia lawsuit = Awful case crunch hit a caustic ill Pope, who hides.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Monster Rat Shot Dead On Housing Estate

(Sky News)



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Monster Rat Shot Dead On Housing Estate = "Human asset then? Rodent's good to eat, sir!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tea Party Choice Scrambles in Taking on Reid in Nevada

(The New York Times)


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Tea Party Choice Scrambles in Taking On Reid in Nevada = Beck denied mania, anticipates Sharron Angle victory.

(by Dharam Khalsa)

The man who 'sees' Virgin Mary every day

(BBC News)


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The man who 'sees' Virgin Mary every day = Why? It's Heaven's Merry Maiden Voyager!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Major archaeological find at site of Civil War prison

(CNN)


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Major archaeological find at site of Civil War prison = Location of a dire horrific jail is Camp Lawton's grave

(by Maurice Goddard)

First lady joins official ranks of Venice's gondoliers

(BBC)


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First lady joins official ranks of Venice's gondoliers = Gondolieress, fair in tan, drives folk off in classic joy!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Five things you're wasting your money on

(Lovemoney)


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It's easy to waste money. So here are five ways to stop throwing your money down the drain... = Aha! To every guy, I'd say: Hesitate! + Don't woo pretty women + No whores + No wife, or any mistress!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Levi Johnston: Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska?

(CBS News)


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Levi Johnston: Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska? = A joke? A fantasy? Allow his lovin' morals?

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Missing French chef's body found stuffed in freezer

(CNN)


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Missing French chef's body found stuffed in freezer = Frenzied sniffer dogs nosed him, crunch beefy stuff.

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Abbey Clancy will forgive Peter Crouch

(STV)


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Peter Crouch and Abigail Clancy = A celebrity coupling. An arch cad!

(by Tony Crafter)

Archaeologists unearth Britain's oldest house

(Channel 4)


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Archaeologists unearth Britain's oldest house = Stone Age shelter, so built as such. Oh! Not air-raid.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Why Sarah Palin says all those stupid and ridiculous things

(Slate.com)


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Why Sarah Palin says all those stupid and ridiculous things = Hi, cos' doltish unhandy lady lies, twists usual paraphrasing!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Why give milk to children

(BBC)


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Why give milk to children? = Hm? Nice lively kid growth?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Clue to getting a good night's sleep discovered

(BBC)


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Clue to getting a good night's sleep discovered = She giggled: "Vetted secret's in good copulation!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Robbie Williams 'marries Ayda Field in Los Angeles'

(NME)


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Robbie Williams 'marries Ayda Field in Los Angeles' = Singer's wife is a "Million Dollar Baby" - A male desire!

(by Maurice Goddard)

At Hiroshima Ceremony, a First for a U.S. Envoy

(The New York Times)


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At Hiroshima Ceremony, a First for a U.S. Envoy = Eye as a sin, Forty-five's human atomic horror.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Wayne Rooney smoking and urinating in the street: it's no wonder United hero is out of puff

(Daily Mail)


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Wayne Rooney smoking and urinating in the street: it's no wonder United hero is out of puff = Puny moron seen showing off here! Arrogant weed! Snotty nut! Infinite nit! A true, odious kid.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Peace won't come soon to Middle East

(Ottawa Citizen)


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Peace won't come soon to Middle East = We (Semites) concede to 'A plan to doom'

(by Aronas Pinchas)

How to spot the early signs of dementia

(The Daily Telegraph)


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How to spot the early signs of dementia = Onset's nasty, eh pet? I forget how old I am!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Senate Confirms Kagan to Supreme Court

(Bloomberg)


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Senate Confirms Kagan to Supreme Court = No true arguments, no fear. OK, accept miss!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

'Churchill, Eisenhower covered up RAF plane's UFO encounter'

(The Times of India)


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'Churchill, Eisenhower covered up RAF plane's UFO encounter' = UFO's hardline chronicle then: "Cup 'n' Saucer Flew Over Europe!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Clone Concerns: Britain Worries About Milk Supply

(Time)


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Clone Concerns: Britain Worries About Milk Supply = Butter irony in cow clones: Bulls skip pair romance!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama says Iraq war will end 'on schedule'

(The Independent)


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Obama says Iraq war will end 'on schedule' = Queasy wind down? Or "Allah bless America"?!

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Obama says Iraq war will end 'on schedule' = A square showdown. America's blind alley?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Is Vitaminwater Really a Healthy Drink?

(Time)

 
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Is Vitaminwater Really a Healthy Drink? = Elderly rave: "Ah! Trial man? It ain't whisky!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Even stupid people have feelings - let's end this bigotry

(The Daily Telegraph)


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Even stupid people have feelings - let's end this bigotry = Spy the self-evident steep pain live, in dolt George Bush!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Accepting That Good Parents May Plant Bad Seeds

(The New York Times)


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Accepting that good parents may plant bad seeds = Lots tag scatty Pope Benedict's ma and pa grand, eh?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Chelsea Clinton Marries Marc Mezvinsky

(People)


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Chelsea Victoria Clinton Marries Marc Mezvinsky Today = Nosy moral American citizens love very dramatic kitsch

(by Adie Pena)