Surgery for Bangladesh's 'Tree Man' to remove warts

(Yahoo!)

Surgery for Bangladesh's 'Tree Man' to remove warts = A man's severe ugly rare growths to be transformed

(by Jason Lofts)

Arab man tried to smuggle liquor in his pants

(MSN)

Photo: Twitter/Saudi Arabian customs

Arab man tried to smuggle liquor in his pants = Muslim squad tight, nails poor entering Arab

(by Russ Atkinson)

22 Hillary Clinton emails declared 'top secret'

(CBC)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Hillary Clinton emails declared 'top secret' = Chilly report claimed lots are clandestine

(by Jason Lofts)

Barbie adds size diversity

(MSN)

Photo: Mattel

Barbie adds size diversity = Biddy bra sizes deviate, sir

(by Russ Atkinson)

Richard Dawkins dropped from science event for tweeting video mocking feminists and Islamists

(The Independent)

Photo: Marty Stone

'The God Delusion' written by Richard Dawkins = Wrinkly odd dude's an atheist, grown bitchier

(by Julian Lofts)

Controversial militant atheist Richard Dawkins = Isn't he a loathed vitriolic smart Darwinist crank?

(by Jason Lofts)

Israeli vulture detained in Lebanon on suspicion of being a spy

(CNN)

Photo: Ronnie Macdonald

Vulture detained in Lebanon on suspicion of being a spy = Opinion: bird's been a flying detective... An unusual snoop!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Trump will skip latest GOP debate

(New York Daily News)

Photo: Mike Licht

Trump will skip latest GOP debate = Pampered egotist twit pulls balk

(by Russ Atkinson)

Report Lists Somalia, North Korea as World's Most Corrupt Countries

(VOA News)

Photo: Devin Smith

Pinpoint red (toxic) countries per ~ TI Corruption Perceptions Index

TI: Transparency International

(by Jason Lofts)

Lottery winner claims she put ticket in wash

(MSN)

Photo: Draconiansleet

Lottery winner claims she put ticket in wash = With luckier twist it's her money, clean pants

(by Russ Atkinson)

Donald Trump's supporters have one frightening personality trait in common - here's what it is

(Raw Story)

Photo: Max Goldberg

Donald Trump's supporters have one frightening personality trait in common - here's what it is = Let's nod; Menacing authoritarianism drives the worshippers of the ranting loony pest Trump!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Blizzard brings US east coast to standstill and delivers near-record snowfall

(The Guardian)

Photo: PROwoodleywonderworks

American East Coast weather = The area's Antarctic. Awesome! = Snow creates a thematic area = A somewhat tense Arctic area

(by Jason Lofts)

Lawmaker looking to uncork Indiana's happy-hour law

(USA Today)

Photo: Jason Baldwin

Lawmaker looking to uncork Indiana's happy-hour law = Wowie! Unpopular hooligans amok; drink, talk anarchy

(by Russ Atkinson)

Michael Bloomberg considers a presidential run

(Washington Post)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

Michael Bloomberg KBE gets a yearning to be POTUS = Bugger me! He's a knob!^* It's belligerent to copy Obama.
^* dickhead

(by Julian Lofts)

Storm Jonas: Giant panda rolls in Washington DC snow

(The Daily Telegraph)

The giant panda truly likes playing in the Washington snowstorm ~ making angel wings. What nonstop horseplay! True idyl - instant hit!

(by Julian Lofts)

Cat that received prosthetic legs at ISU veterinary hospital making strides in recovery

(Iowa State University News Service)

ISU veterinarians outfit cat with very rare titanium prosthetic legs = True! Vets maintain hurt feline Oscar Pistorius with great creativity

(by Jason Lofts)

Sources: Cavaliers fire coach David Blatt

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Wikimedia

Cleveland fires Blatt less than a year after Finals = Cavs trainer blatantly released. Staff: he is fallen

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Mariah Carey and James Packer are engaged

(BBC)

Mariah Carey and James Packer are engaged = Champagne, DJ, a serenade, a creaky marriage?

(by Julian Lofts)

MRSA: The Superbug Poised to Cost Hospitals Super Sums

(Infection Control Today)

Photo: NIAID

Methicillin-resistant staph aureus (golden staph) = Patients can die, thus lethal germ ruins hospitals

(by Jason Lofts)

Litvinenko inquiry: the key players

(The Guardian)

Photo: Gwydion M. Williams

Just Some of the Leading Players in the Litvinenko Coronial Enquiry 1. Alexander (deceased) 2. Marina 3. Dmitry Kovtun 4. Andre Lugovoi 5. Sir Robert Owen 6. Nikolai Patrushev 7. President Vladimir Putin 8. The Federal Security Service 9. "Igor the Assassin" 10. Counsel Ben Emmerson

=

1. Polonium induced acute radiation syndrome killed him relentlessly 2. Wife 3. An evil ex-spy 4. An evasive token member of Duma 5. The judge/sleuth/coroner 6. Heads inner Russian spy organisation 7. Is an incoherent evil - pure vitriol 8. KGB adversaries 9. A rotten terrorist 10. QC

(by Julian Lofts)

Calls for Oscar boycott over lack of non-white nominees spark debate

(Fox News)

Photo: Davidlohr Bueso

The nominees for the Oscar Awards = Afro-Americans do resent the show

(by Julian Lofts)

Brooke Shields Disses Ex, Andre Agassi

(E!)

Brooke Christa Shields ~ chastises horrid bloke

(by Jason Lofts)

Spike Lee won't attend Oscars

(The New York Times)

Photo: jurek d.

Spike Lee won't attend Oscars ~ skin tone aspects, we are told

(by Russ Atkinson)

Sarah Palin endorses Donald Trump

(CNN)

Photo: Alex Hanson

Sarah Louise Palin endorses Donald Trump = O dull Mrs P praises an odious Neanderthal

(by Julian Lofts)

Lead in Flint water

(PopHerald)

Lead in Flint water ~ we filtrate inland

(by Russ Atkinson)

Naked artist Deborah de Robertis arrested for posing nude next to Manet's Olympia

(The Guardian)

Deborah de Robertis = Disrobed to her bare

Manet's Olympia - Deborah de Robertis ~ disrobed to bare her anatomy, simple

(by Robert Jordan)

Australian beach evacuated after huge Great White Shark spotted off the coast

(The Independent)

Photo: Scubaben

Australian beach evacuated after huge Great White Shark spotted off the coast = A goliath brute feeder's out! A savage attacker with sharp teeth can cut off heads!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Green leafy vegetables can reduce the risk of glaucoma

(I4U News)

Photo: Slice of Chic

Green leafy vegetables can reduce the risk of glaucoma = Vegan men grateful kale, broccoli, etc. safeguard eyes, eh?

(by Jason Lofts)

Tennessee Powerball Winners: No Big Changes to Lives

(ABC News)

Photo: Wil C. Fry

The Tennessee Powerball winners ~ were penniless, then won, are blest

(by Julian Lofts)

The Danish Girl review: This Eddie Redmayne starrer tries too hard to be perfect

(Firstpost)

Eddie Redmayne stars in The Danish Girl = And relishes his gender identity drama = Identity drama: Slender she is he in drag

(by Jason Lofts)

America notebook: How Donald Trump is destroying the Republican party

(The Spectator)

Photo: Darron Birgenheier

America notebook: How Donald Trump is destroying the Republican party = Oh! Bombastic, power-hungry, party-killer turd is a dope, nit, and menace too!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Tsai Ing-wen elected Taiwan's first female president

(BBC)

Photo: davidreid

Taiwan's Tsai Ing-wen ~ saw giant win in East

(by Julian Lofts)

Starvation in Syria 'a war crime,' UN chief says

(CNN)

Photo: Denis Bocquet

"Let me be clear: the use of starvation as a weapon of war is a war crime. All sides, including the Syrian government which has the primary responsibility to protect Syrians, are committing this and other atrocious acts prohibited under international humanitarian laws.
UN teams have witnessed scenes that haunt the soul. The elderly and children, men and women, who were little more than skin and bones: gaunt, severely malnourished, so weak they could barely walk, and utterly desperate for the slightest morsel."
=
In the news on this day: The UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon says that the regime of the perverted President Bashar Al-Assad (who personally is an untrustworthy, hellishly murderous lawbreaker) is committing really "atrocious acts" and "unconscionable abuses" against civilians under siege in Madaya in Syria. "We call the world's attention to this war for the hundredth time. We would welcome all immediate, trenchant intervention from other countries ASAP! We shall need help to prevent it! Thanks!" he stammered.

(by Jason Lofts)

Does "Mein Kampf" Remain a Dangerous Book?

(The New Yorker)

Photo: Gwydion M. Williams

Adolf Hitler's book "Mein Kampf" ("My Struggle") = Famed bully, his talk foments pogrom, krieg

(by Jason Lofts)

Weed Disguised as Carrots Busted at US Border

(MSN)

Photo: US Customs and Border Protection

Weed Disguised as Carrots Busted at US Border = O, we eat badass drug distributors' cursed seed

(by Russ Atkinson)

New Charlie Hebdo cartoon suggests dead three-year-old refugee Aylan Kurdi would have become sexual attacker

(Sydney Morning Herald)

Charlie Hebdo cartoonist Laurent Sourisseau ("Riss") = Re: atrocious, harsh, biased illustration. So, censure!

(by Jason Lofts)

World's 'oldest' man found in remote village in Brazil...and he's 131

(The Daily Express)

World's 'oldest' man found in remote village in Brazil.. and he's 131 = 131? Astounding! One wizened, shrivelled, abnormal, slim, old fart!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Westboro Baptist Church: David Bowie Funeral Protest Planned - WBC Attacks 'Problematic' Child Rape Allegations

(The Inquisitr)

Photo: Wikimedia

"He walked me through his bedroom and into the bathroom, where he dropped his kimono. He got into the tub, already filled with water, and asked me to wash him. Of course I did. Then he escorted me into the bedroom, gently took off my clothes, and de-virginized me." = Hot damn! "He" was the godlike, kooky David Bowie, who did smooch delighted underage (thirteen-year-old) nymphomaniac groupies, then liked to deflower them first before he'd a frenzied hot mad threesome with others in his hotel bath/bedroom. Tut! No comment.

(by Jason Lofts)

Mein Kampf sells out on first day in Germany

(The Times of Israel)

Photo: Gwydion M Williams

Adolf Hitler's 'Mein Kampf' sells out in Germany = Führer's plan to kill many of maligned Semites = Lofts skilfully anagrams the memoir I penned

(by Jason Lofts)

State of the Union will be Obama's bid to persuade Americans of progress

(Washington Post)

Caricature: DonkeyHotey

State of the Union will be Obama's bid to persuade Americans of progress = "I'm able, man!" - USA's President's done heroic stuff! Please bow to a big orator!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Michelin-rated London kosher restaurant shuts down

(The Jewish Chronicle)

Photo: Ewan Munro

Terrine is a dream at lunch at ~ a Michelin-rated restaurant
A real crush at dinnertime at ~ a Michelin-rated restaurant

(by Jason Lofts)

Adolf Hitler's Legendary Book Mein Kampf Immediately Sells Out in Germany

(Newsweek)

Photo: Kevin Wong

Merkel helps a line of migrants to find asylum = Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf sells out in Germany

(by Julian Lofts)

Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall announce engagement

(BBC)

Australian media mogul Rupert Murdoch and actress-model Jerry Hall are excited to announce their engagement = Jagger - "Unadulterated crap! A lecherous old man and my American ex had intercourse? It's tormenting me!" Hello! True!!

(by Julian Lofts)

Golden Globes 2016: The Revenant wins top three awards

(BBC)

Photo: Day Donaldson

'The Revenant' wins top three awards at Golden Globes = Pet bear stands to snarl, then gnawed overweight Leo

(by Jason Lofts)

Drug raid captures El Chapo

(Reuters)

Drug raid captures El Chapo = Drug lord pariah escape cut

(by Russ Atkinson)

Michelin-starred experience for foodie guests on "most luxurious ship ever"

(South China Morning Post)

Photo: Numismatic Bibliomania Society

A Michelin three-star restaurant = Ultra-rich men, tsarinas eat there

(by Jason Lofts)

Antimigrant Protests in Germany

(The Wall Street Journal)

Photo: Kelly Kline

The antimigrant protests in Germany = Nation's angry rightist temperament

(by Jason Lofts)

Syrian government ready to attend peace talks in Geneva

(Yahoo!)

Photo: Oxfam

Syria peace talks = Israel: pact's a key!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Golden Globes -- Winners include The Revenant, Dicaprio, Brie Larson, The Martian, Lady Gaga, Sylvester Stallone, Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Jon Hamm, Oscar Isaac, Cookie from Empire

(Showbiz 411)

Photo: Televisione Streaming

And a Golden Globe award surprisingly goes to two ugly actors ~ pugilist Stallone and gargoyle Gaga. Unrest! Rowdy crowds boo!

(by Julian Lofts)

Playboy Mansion 'up for sale' for $US200 million

(Sydney Morning Herald)

Photo: Daniel Wastak

Playboy Mansion 'up for sale' = Lousy porno base. Infamy, pal!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Israeli troops shoot Palestinians who tried to stab soldiers

(The Herald)

Photo: Israel Defense Forces

Israeli troops shoot Palestinians who tried to stab soldiers = Traditional hostilities toward the obsessional oppressors

(by Jason Lofts)

Cologne attacks: Merkel proposes tougher migrant laws

(BBC)

Photo: European People's Party

Cologne's the fourth-largest metropolis in Germany = Migrant youths lose control there, groping females

(by Jason Lofts)

Tom Hanks brings back civility with 'Bridge of Spies'

(Sioux City Journal)

Actor Tom Hanks is in the film 'Bridge of Spies' = Leitmotif's good brinkmanship, safer ethics

(by Julian Lofts)

The True Story Behind The Revenant, as Told in 1939

(Time)

"The Revenant", a biographical western based on the true story of Hugh Glass, is set in South Dakota and Montana = Indians attack, a huge bear savages Leo, see flesh then Hardy abandons him. Potent grunts, notorious wrath. OTT!

(by Julian Lofts)

Man arrested over 'White House dognapping plot'

(The Irish Independent)

Photo: US Embassy Panama

Man arrested over alleged US White House dognapping plot = Single male hoped/planned to ravish Portuguese water dog

(by Jason Lofts)

Man Accused of Shooting Philly Cop Pledged Allegiance to ISIS, Police Say

(Yahoo!)

The suspect Edward Archer = Trash, eh? Captured & screwed!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

'World's first' virtual reality porn flick invites men to take part in a simulated orgy

(The Daily Mirror)

Photo: Sergey Galyonkin

The 'world's first' virtual reality porn flick invites men to take part in a simulated orgy = Dirty perverts wearing an Oculus Rift headset to marvel at kinky titillation film pros

(by Jason Lofts)

US military funds research into lab-grown testicles for wounded soldiers

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: Kevin O'Mara

Lab-grown testicles for wounded soldiers = Urologist: "Two new descended balls for sir!"

Research into lab-grown testicles for wounded soldiers = Choice is two new steel balls for grunts and rodeo riders

(by Julian Lofts)

The Ecstasy of 'Hateful Eight' Maestro Ennio Morricone

(Houston Press)

'Hateful Eight' overture composer Ennio Morricone = Oh, author merits encore over epic gore film tune, no?

(by Jason Lofts)

Hungarian journalist slammed for 'seven types of blackface'

(The Guardian)

Photo: Bored Panda

The activist Boglarka Balogh's project "I Morphed Myself Into Tribal Women To Raise Awareness Of Their Secluded Cultures" = Bowdlerise this elitist Hungarian human rights lawyer accused of deplorable 'Blackface'. Most protesters jeer, vomit too.

(by Julian Lofts)

Google translate 'technical glitch' turns 'Russia' into 'Mordor'

(Daily Mail)

Photo: Apionid

Google translate 'technical glitch' turns 'Russian Federation' into 'Mordor' = Crude translation into language in 'The Lord of the Rings' is almost correct

(by Jason Lofts)

This is the World's Largest Blue Sapphire

(Fortune)

The world's largest blue sapphire? = But hell, it's a whopper, regardless!

(by Julian Lofts)

Topless in Thailand: Two Western female tourists fined for public nudity

(Yahoo!)

Topless in Thailand = Still had panties on!

(by Robert Jordan)

American Idol will end after next season

(Toronto Star)

Photo: Brian Byrne

American Idol is to end at last = An addiction to stale realism

(by Julian Lofts)

Sweden imposes ID checks on bridge from Denmark to stem migrant influx

(The Daily Telegraph)

Photo: European Roads

Swedes are regulating their borders = Bridge worries the Danes. Result - rage!

(by Julian Lofts)

Barred owl attacked civil servants

(MSN)

Photo: Camron Flanders

Barred owl attacked civil servants in Salem, Oregon = Keen, manic, enraged bird revolts, claws at violators

(by Russ Atkinson)

Mash star Wayne Rogers dies aged 82

(BBC)

Portrait: Graham Lees

Mister William Wayne McMillan Rogers the Third has died = M*A*S*H actor made all men smile/leer with his dry wit. I'd grin. = Whether dead still a merry, martini-swilling M*A*S*H medico!

(by Julian Lofts)

Justice Department sues Volkswagen over Clean Air Act violations

(MarketWatch)

Photo: Kostya Kartavenka

Volkswagen violated Clean Air Act = VW scandal: Look, a negative article!

(by Jason Lofts)